


We ain't all setters (but we're definitely pretty)

by somiahu



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, F/M, Gen, How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Lots of references to other fandoms, M/M, Please Kill Me, also assrats, based off real chats w friends, chaotic as heck, horny clown is mentioned, like a lot lot, no beta we die like men, rated t because they swear, they're all friends bc I CAN, this is so random wth
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:01:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26552524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somiahu/pseuds/somiahu
Summary: Shirabu: Oikawa u remind me of a sad sealOikawa: what is that supposed to meanAtsumu: yer sad and greyAkaashi: but still supposedly a pretty boyOikawa: awww u think i'm pretty?Kenma: noShirabu: ^^^Futakuchi: ^^^^Semi: ^^^^^Suga: as the eldest amongst us disasters i now make the executive decision to label Akaashi as the Prettiest Setter™
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Aone Takanobu/Futakuchi Kenji, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kyoutani Kentarou/Yahaba Shigeru, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Semi Eita/Shirabu Kenjirou
Comments: 41
Kudos: 378





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> At least half of this fic is based on a group chat (on hangouts lmao) between me and my friends, we're all dumbasses and probably need adult supervision and are all dying from school so most of this is crack.
> 
> You have been warned.
> 
> Please enjoy :))
> 
> (also links work and do link to images/gifs! or i think they do...tbh this is my first time using HTML so rip my soul)

**Oikawa has added Suga, Kageyama, Yahaba, Semi, Shirabu, Kenma, Akaashi, Atsumu, Futakuchi to 'The Pretty Setters + Futakuchi and mayhaps others' chat**

_8:32 PM_

Shirabu: where tf did u find our numbers

Semi: ^^

Suga: ^^^^

Futakuchi: ^^^^^

Kageyama: ^^^^^^^

Kenma: i don't know u

Akaashi:: ^^

Atsumu: ^^^^

Oikawa: I just wanted us all to be friends :DDDDD

Suga: r u here looking to get bullied Oikawa

Semi: bc we will bully u

Kenma: oh ur the grand king

Oikawa: U KNOW ABOUT ME???

Kenma: dunno why Shouyou has such a high opinion of you. u sound kinda dumb

Kageyama: u call hinata by his first name??

Kenma:,,,uh yeah

Kageyama: y can't i do that too

Suga: im guessing it's bc you two aren't as close friends...?

Oikawa: isn't hinata the lil orange chibi that said he was determined to beat u tobio chan?

Kageyama: yeah  
Kageyama: y is that important

Suga: absolutely no reason Kageyama don’t answer any of his questions

Oikawa: MR REFRESHING KUN HOW MEAN

Futakuchi: out of curiosity tho y this chat

Oikawa:,,,I was bored

Yahaba: my guess is that Iwauzumi san was ignoring u again and ur lonely and need new friends :))

Semi: if he needed friends why would he add us out of all people

Shirabu: yeah i thought he hated us

Oikawa: UR RIGHT I DO HATE U GUYS  
Oikawa: Im just trying to find new people to make fun of :))

Atsumu: well have fun bc yer gonna be the one made fun of :))

Oikawa: says the person with the dumb sounding kansai accent :DD

Atsumu: U TAKE THAT BACK 

Kenma: do i have to be here

Akaashi: yeah we’re not farmboys like the rest of u plz let us leave

Suga: i give my condolences to u two in tokyo

Atsumu: speakin of tokyo can one of u two plz run to itachiyama and tell sakusa to UNBLOCK ME  
Kageyama: Atsumu san i thnik he probably blocked u for a reason

Semi: Sakusa from itachiyama as in the guy with black curly hair and insane wrists?

Akaashi: well there is only one sakusa in the kanto region 

_10:06 PM_

Atsumu: this is v random I feel like firebendin would be fueled by yer level of horniness

Kenma: ur too airheaded to be a firebender

Atsumu: I am offended

Oikawa: OMG YEAH FIREBENDING WOULD TOTALLY BE HORNY FUELED

Suga: I could see kageyama and shirabu as firebenders for some reason

Semi: huh I always thought shirabu would be an earthbender for some reason

Oikawa: on a completely unrelated note should I listen to 50 shades of grey on audiobook

Kageyama: what's that

Suga: NO ONE TELL HIM

Akaashi: kageyama I suggest you avert your eyes

Futakuchi: lmfao yes do it

Semi: please do not

Atsumu: lmao I'll even do it with ya if u want

Yahaba: if u do it I'm telling iwaizumi senpai

Oikawa: WAIT WHAT NO

Shirabu: this conversation is absolutely appalling

Kenma: I am disappointed in all of us

Akaashi: disappointed in humanity more like

Futakuchi: is it just me or are u two vry existential

Akaashi: I think it's the city life

Kenma: yeah y'all are farm kids we can't relate

Akaashi: u guys can see the beauty in rural life

Kenma: we're just dead inside

Atsumu: 'm offended by how yer assuming we're not dead inside too

Shirabu: yeah we're all suffering

Oikawa: dead inside bc we didn't make it to nationals :((

Suga: happy inside bc we did :))

Semi: ^^

Futakuchi: OH WOW

Atsumu: OH WOT A BLOWWW

Yahaba: you're all terrible

Kageyama: yeah but at least we made it to nationals

Suga: oml my kouhai is learning from me i feel proud 

Shirabu: semi y do u never compliment me like that

Semi: maybe if u weren't such a BITCH

Shirabu: yeah well ur dATING THIS BITCH

Semi: NOT LIKE I ASKED TO

Shirabu: U WANNA FIGHT I WILL FIGHT U

Oikawa: [popcornlol](https://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/tumblr_ljh0puClWT1qfkt17.gif)

Futakuchi: semi @ shirabu rn: [peppapigface](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/02djlsjk0Y8/maxresdefault.jpg)

Yahaba: lmao yeah oikawa y do u never compliment me like that

Atsumu: WHAT A SMOOTH TRANSITION

Akaashi: wow that topic change

Kenma: ^^

Suga: ^^

Oikawa: WELL I'M SORRY (◞‸◟ㆀ) (◞‸◟ㆀ)

Kageyama: yeah oikawa why weren't u a good senpai??

Atsumu: things are getting heated in the senpai fandom

Futakuchi: [anotherheateddiscussion](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/proxy/2MWOBg6QY3DRr869T_tfBM6S_D9aqkKQj4-0cE91j-F6VLHxyNwgNFy2HbEKKCyTVgeTI1NU5zUEbkcKjAiVubGvChlGP3m0KYmfsHXlmfgXcubvv0a3JJQRY6Y-WYrdIi4GwdH4PNGyIZpcYY1QJ7zegVvvrSew5dM)

Akaashi: on that note is anyone else concerned about where semi and shirabu went off to?

Suga: I for one didnt know they were dating and am slightly concerned but also 99% sure they're making out right now

Yahaba: unfortunately ur probably right

Kenma: once again, disappointed in humanity

Oikawa: we've all turned into horny monsters what a dive

Atsumu: humans have always been horny monsters tho?

Kageyama: I thought the point of living was to procreate?

Futakuchi: aw u poor baby what have they been feeding u

Yahaba: just realized kageyama is the only first year here

Suga: oml yeah ur right

Atsumu: he's also the only first year in our All Japan trainin camp group chat w the nationals bois

Kageyama: the chat where ur always flirting with sakusa san and he ignores u? And then hoshiumi and komori san laugh and send memes? 

Oikawa: BWAHAHAHAHA  
Oikawa: OH MAN TSUMU CHAN U BEEN E X P O S E D

Futakuchi: lmfao wow how smooth ratsumu

Kenma: I can see why he would ignore u

Atsumu: SHUT YER TRAPS

Yahaba: spoken like a true Southerner

Akaashi: kageyama good job

Suga: this is y ur my favorite kouhai kageyama

Kageyama: your favorite kouhai is tsukishima though?  
Kageyama: U always say he's the best bc he's fun to annoy

Kenma: tall one with the glasses?

Oikawa: looks salty as hell?

Shirabu: blocked Ushijima's spike?

Yahaba: oh wow ur back

Semi: the first year tendou is always complaining about?

Futakuchi: the blond one that koganegawa always talks about from the training camp?

Akaashi: he was in the 3 v 3 practice match we had at training camp 

Suga: yep that'd be him  
Sorry kageyama ur right he is my favorite

Kageyama: it's ok he needs more people to like him  
Kageyama: Lots of people hate him

Shirabu: that kid must make a lot of enemies if he taunts every team he plays

Oikawa: I could've sworn he had a thing for karasuno's freckle chan

Kageyama: they're in denial I think. Something about how they're best childhood friends and could never like each other?

Yahaba: OH THAT SOUNDS FAMILIAR

Futakuchi: I WONDER WHERE I'VE HEARD THAT BEFORE

Akaashi: @kenma and @oikawa

Kenma: wth akaashi u know what kuroo is like

Oikawa: iwa chan wouldn't like me back anyways,,,

Semi: this is sad to read

Atsumu: u guys sound pretty hopeless

Suga: supposedly not as hopeless as ur flirting attempts though?

Futakuchi: *chokes on tea*

Atsumu: . . .

Oikawa: LMFAOOOOOOO

Akaashi: did you know that the more Os u use in lmao the more depresso u are

Yahaba: consuderin he can't fuckiNG SEE i think i know why he's depresso

Suga: oikawa please do get your priorities straightened out

Semi: I think u mean get his priorities gayed out

Kageyama: i thought oikawa san was bi though?

Kenma: get his priorities _bi-ed_ out then

Shirabu: Oikawa u remind me of a sad seal

Oikawa: what is that supposed to mean

Atsumu: yer sad and grey

Akaashi: but still supposedly a pretty boy

Oikawa: awww u think i'm pretty?

Kenma: no

Shirabu: ^^^

Futakuchi: ^^^^

Semi: ^^^^^

Suga: as the eldest amongst us disasters i now make the executive decision to label Akaashi as the Prettiest Setter™ 

Yahaba: I've never seen him before but he sounds nicer than Oikawa so sure

Semi: i HAVe seen him before and i have to agree

Oikawa: goddamnit owl chan even i have to admit ur pretty

Atsumu: we should rank all of us from prettiest to least

Futakuchi: ur least

Kageyama: I agree

Kenma: ur hair is disgusting too

Yahaba: I think second prettiest might be suga san tho

Suga: awww ty youre so nice

Shirabu: find urself a senpai who is nice enough to compliment their own kouhai and other school kouhai

Yahaba: ^^

Oikawa: OH WOW

Semi: mind you i'm perfectly capable of doing that

Akaashi: apparently not

Kageyama: suga san is sometimes evil though

Futakuchi: who in this chat isn't some degree of evil

Atsumu: ngl probably Kageyama he's a lil goody two shoes

Kageyama: i take full offense to that

Yahaba: yeah lmao his setter dumps rlly killing us

Semi: ^^ u dump him and he does it right back

Kageyama: :))


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bathtubs? horny clowns? tua? anyone?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok ao3 was being wAck bc I posted this chapter this morning and apparently it's not showing up soooo. RIP me.
> 
> (again, links to link to places. I would recommend watching the video,,,)
> 
> enjoy :))

_8:52 PM_

Kenma: Guys

Akaashi:?

Yahaba: What's up

Kenma: is it possible fall asleep in ur bathtub

Atsumu: Lmao what

Kenma: bc i just woke up and I’m in my bathtub

Suga: um what it’s like 9 at night

Oikawa: if i had a bathtub i would do that too tho

Suga: Why would u do that

Shirabu: Why nottttt

Semi: You might drown  
Semi: That’s why not

Suga: You might dieeee

Kageyama: put pillows and blankets int in  
Kageyama: just dont fill the tub  
Kageyama: ?

Semi: oh

Kenma: Yeah we're talking about no water

Yahaba: Lmao

Akaashi: Oh

Kageyama: sleeping in an empty tub yeah I've done that

Oikawa: WAIT U GUYS THOUGHT WE WERE TALKING BOUT WITH WATER

Akaashi: Yes

Suga: YEA

Atsumu: lol nopEEEee

Futakuchi: Sounds like something you would do  
Futakuchi: Ngl

Oikawa: ,,,ur not wrong tho i totally would

Yahaba: Yeah it does

Semi: Empty tub is fun when it's one of those old Victorian fancy ones made of brass or wtvr

Suga: OOH YEA

Atsumu: what if ya fell asleep in one of those town tubs English people would bathe in once a month  
Atsumu: and then rats crawled up ur ass

Kenma: that sounds terrible wtf 

Suga: yikes that’s a no no

Kageyama: i do not want that

Akaashi: What is it with you and rats

Oikawa: NO TO THE ASS RATS AHAHAA

Yahaba: atsumu and rats man

Semi: Lmao ass rats

Kageyama: um

Futakuchi: RATS

Kenma: Ass rat

Akaashi: atsumu's favorite animal is probly rats tbh

Atsumu: It is NOT

Suga: do NOT let rats crawl up ur ass please

Semi: Yeah that sounds awful  
Semi: Like really awful

Kenma: Ass rat is my new favorite insult

Futakuchi: LMAO

Akaashi: Nice

Yahaba: I want to see you use that  
Yahaba: I really do

Oikawa: oml I would die if you used that

Shirabu: I'd pay to see that happen

Kageyama: ^^

Kenma: Someone add kuroo and I will  
Kenma: Not actually  
Kenma: But I could

Shirabu: Someone plz add whoever kuroo is I want to see this happen

Akaashi: I can

**Akaashi added niconiconikuroo to the chat**

Niconiconikuroo: Kenmaaaaaa what is this you've added me to?

Kenma: Hi ass rat

Semi: ...

Shirabu: ...

Futakuchi: ...

Suga: ...

Kageyama: ...

Yahaba: ...

Oikawa: ...

Atsumu: ...

Akaashi: ...

Niconiconikuroo: kenma what the

**Kenma removed niconiconikuroo from the chat**

Semi: ok moving on

Oikawa: You know what I enjoy

Shirabu: Ass rats

Oikawa: No what I don't want tsumu chan up my ass bah yucky

Atsumu: YOU TAKE THAT BACK

Oikawa: NO UR YUCKY  
Oikawa: Anyways any OTHER suggestions

Yahaba: Being horny

Kenma: pining

Akaashi: dying

Futakuchi: ^^

Suga: ^^

Kageyama: pining over iwaizumi san

Oikawa: I was not expecting that, , ,  
Oikawa: But you're not wrong  
Oikawa: tobio chan how could u expose me like this

Suga: it's not like u try to hide it

Semi: ^^

Yahaba: yeah ur always flirting w him

Futakuchi: ur very obvious

Atsumu: pinin over yer childhood best friend? Can't relaTe

Oikawa: pining over someone who won't even talk to me? Can't relaTE

Yahaba: oh shnap what a blow

Kageyama: yeah sakusa san ignored u the whole training camp and now he’s still ignoring u on the group chat

Atsumu: YA KNOW WHAT KAGEYAMA NO ONE ASKED YA

Suga: my kouhai doing me proud (*´˘`*)

Shirabu: wow I wish my senpai would praise me like that ahem

Yahaba: I wish my senpai wasn't so hopeless

Oikawa: EXCUSE U WHAT DO U MEAN BY THAT

Yahaba: ur not being a good role model. U don't admit ur feelings

Atsumu: BWAHAHAHAHA

Kenma: all of you are hopeless

Akaashi: ^^

Suga: Lmao true we kinda are

Futakuchi: does anyone else in here actually have their shit together? Semi and shirabu dont count bc theyre smth else

Kageyama: i do

Suga: no u really dont

Kageyama: i think i do?

Suga: ,,,no u really dont. calling someone boke as a term of endearment is,,,questionable at best 

Kageyama: oh

Yahaba: yeah no one here has their shit together

Atsumu: at least some of ya r childhood friends

Kenma: yeah and

Oikawa: we’re ur cliche dont-wanna-ruin-the-friendship peeps  
Oikawa: i for one think that tobio chan and pretty owl chan have the highest chances

Kenma: yeah akaashi bokuto stares at u w heart eyes

Akaashi: no he does _not_

Oikawa: and chibi chan looks at tobio chan like he hangs the stars or smth it’s disguSTING he’s got him wrapped around his little finger istg

Semi: u guys r all rlly obvious lol

Suga: yeah no none of us can rlly hide it tbh

Yahaba: i wanna say it’s a setter curse but then there’s semi and shirabu 

Futakuchi: lol i have been forgotten?

Yahaba: ur not a setter but wAIT _do_ u have ur shit together??

Kageyama: yeah he does

Futakuchi: HOW’D U KNOW

Kageyama: hinata is friends with aone?

Futakuchi: oh yeah that’d make sense

Yahaba: welp Futakuchi isn’t a setter anyways SO SETTER CURSE STILL A THING

Suga: pretty sure it’s only applicable when said setter likes someone who isn’t a setter

Shirabu: nah u guys just suck

Semi: SAYS YOU

Shirabu: ????  
Shirabu: wdym i LITERALLY CONFESSED

Semi: no u did NOT

Yahaba: lmao this is funny to witness

Shirabu: AFTER PRACTICE. I SAID

Semi: AFTER PRACTICE U _YELLED_ AT ME “I HATE U GO OUT WITH ME”

Futakuchi: ahjkjgdkfsj this is hilarious 

Suga: sounds like something kageyama would do too

Akaashi: if he does that i feel sorry for hinata

Kenma: me too

Kageyama: i would not do that

Oikawa: lmfao yes u absolutely would u spend half ur time trying to attack him   
Oikawa: but on that note mad dog chan would totally confess to u like that yahaba ;))

Yahaba: shUt UP

_11:43_

Akaashi: I just read a thing where they described eyes as "seeing balls"

Oikawa: o r b s

Futakuchi: S w i v e l y o r b i e s

Oikawa: e m e r a l d o r b s

Kenma: Seeing balls

Kageyama: I’m not even gonna ask

Suga: Good

Semi: The smart choice here

Yahaba: anyone here use spotify

Semi: i think most of us do

Kageyama: i use soundcloud

Kenma: i use both

Atsumu: AND I JUST GOT THE HORNY CLOWN AD ON SPOTIFY JESUS Y  
Atsumu: i'd like to say this ain't the first time either i keep gettin it and it's annoyin as hell

Oikawa: LMAO U GET THE SEDUCTIVE MCDONALD'S ADS ON SPOTIFY?  
Oikawa: I JUST GET VISA ADS??

Atsumu: SPOTIFY THINKS IM A HORN DOG IDK?

Akaashi: spotify isn't wrong

Kenma: ^^

Futakuchi: LMFAOOOO

Atsumu: SPOTIFY FUCKIN LOOKED AT MY MUSIC AND WENT "YEA THIS BITCH DOWN TO CLOWN"

Futakuchi: DOWN FOR THEM Q U A R T E R P O U N D E R S

Oikawa: J U I C Y QUARTER POUNDER

Yahaba: yikes imagine a hot sweaty quarterpounder

Semi: Hot sweaty quarter pounders

Futakuchi: That sounds dosgusting

Akaashi: I will cry

Suga: Its McDonald's of course its disgusting

Futakuchi: Me to ur Spotify ads atsumu: [loluwildkeepgoingtho](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/50/a4/21/50a4213fd15d69553882902634a6e593.jpg)

Yahaba: LMAO

Kenma: They're truly awful

Futakuchi: I can imagine the shock when ur vibing w some nice music then DEEP VOICE SAYING BA DA BA BA BaAaAaaa

Atsumu: EXACTLY

Kageyama: that sounds horrifying

Akaashi: ^^^

Atsumu: ‘m like vibin to some polkadot stingray and keytalk and I get a HORNY CLOWN? NO THANK YOU

Oikawa: SPOTIFY THINKS UR DOWN FOR HORNY CLOWNNNN

Shirabu: Who isn’t

Semi: kenjirou what

Shirabu: i mean who is?*

Yahaba: Horny for clowns on main lol

Atsumu: im not I promise

Oikawa: Spotify thinks u r tho

Atsumu: I'm actually not sure what that says about me  
And my music taste

Suga: Who knowsss

Futakuchi: Ur horny for clowns and want that juicy juicy quarter pounder??

Atsumu: im guessin it means my music taste is "down for hot clown sex" but still  
Atsumu: Lmao yea

Shirabu: Okay so something new we've discovered bc i just got the damn ad:  
The clowns voice is husky as fuck

Semi: Want a “juicy juicy quarter pounder” is starting to sound like something else

Semi: The more juicys you add, the worse it is

Suga: as one of the only other sane mothers in this house semi i wholeheartedly agree

Semi: ty very much

Atsumu: IT IS HUSKY THO  
Atsumu: THE FUCKIN CLOWN

Futakuchi: lmao wtf?

Atsumu: IT HUSKY AS FUCK LIKE WHAT KINDA CLOWN

Kageyama: can we not talk about horny clowns anymore plz

Suga: yeah u guys should go to sleep

Kenma: what is sleep

Yahaba: ^^

Kageyama: ^^^^^

Shirabu: why sleep when u can binge watch till morning

Oikawa: valid i do that too

Yahaba: yeah but u binge watch volleyball matches  
Yahaba: we actually watch shows 

Oikawa: IM STILL BINGE WATCHING _SOMETHING_

_1:07 AM_

Atsumu: I saw a thing where it said that Klaus stans are gay and sad and honestly yeah that sums me up

Kenma: YEP

Shirabu: 5 stans are gay and salty  
Shirabu: And that's me

Suga: Lmao yes

Oikawa: One big happy familyyyyy

Atsumu: Ayeeeeee

Kageyama: u guys watch tua?

Yahaba: only the first season so far but luther reminds me of my first impression of atsumu on this chat can i just say

Atsumu: WHAT WHY

Akaashi: thinks they’re the best and simultaneously pisses off a lot of people?

Atsumu: yikes when u put it like that,,,

Kageyama: I think we’re all a little bit Klaus tho

Kenma: gay and sad sums up too many people in this chat

Akaashi: ngl so does gay and salty

Oikawa: in this house we're either gay and sad or gay and salty take ur pick

Yahaba: ok but have u seen the loaf song

Kageyama: loaf song?

Yahaba: the one by aiden gallagher who plays five

Semi: he has a loaf song?

Suga: omg i’ve seen that

Shirabu: that video scared me ngl i refuse to believe the kid in that video and five are the same person

Futakuchi: it’s kinda terrifying just gotta say

Oikawa: LOOOOAF LOAFFFFF

Atsumu: LOAF 🍞✨ BY LOAF 🍞😻 LOAF 🍞💀 LOAF 🍞😼 LOAF 🍞😖 BY LAURV 😤🔪 LOAF 🍞😁 LOAF 🍞👄 LOAF 🍞🙄 BY LOAF 🍞😚

Suga: here’s the link if you wanna watch it: [link](https://youtu.be/sEe6YbeoFS0)

Oikawa: he saw the guitar and said THIS IS MY BITCH NOW

Futakuchi: he really went all out with that cursive singing

Suga: not just cursive he’s singing in italics and bold too

Semi: oh wow that’s,,,something

Kageyama: yikes someone get him some bread

Yahaba: IKR SOMEONE PLZ GIVE THE BOY SOME B R E A D

_2:27 AM_

Oikawa: FML I JUST GOT THE HORNY CLOWN AD  
Oikawa: I WANNA CRY  
Oikawa: STOPPPP  
Oikawa: TSUMU CHAN U CURSED ME

Atsumu: AHAHAHA JOIN ME

Oikawa: I WAS VIBING TO THE KAGEROU PROJECT AND THEN THIS MONSTROSITY

Atsumu: ITS COME FOR YA TOO  
Atsumu: BA DA BA BA BAaAAaaa

Oikawa: DISGUSTANG  
Oikawa: ITS SO UNNECESSARILY SEXY  
Oikawa: I DON'T WANT HORNY CLOWN ADS NOOOOO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As someone who has watched Umbrella Academy and later watched Aiden's loaf video I almost died it was so funny. ALso scary but. Mostly funny?
> 
> (Btw, If you know me irl and you're reading this I'm sorry. If you don't know me irl, that's probably for the better,,,haha)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi: but i dont want to get up  
> Akaashi: it should be fine
> 
> Kenma: ur gonna die if u keep doing this
> 
> Kageyama: ouch
> 
> Kenma: one day u will wake up bleeding excessively and then not get help and then you’re going to die and I’m going to be at ur funeral saying “i fucking told u so”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'm sleepy 
> 
> please enjoy :))

_4:21 AM_

Kageyama: to anyone else why were they talking about clowns at 2 am

Kenma: bc they're weirdos

Yahaba: also like. theyve got problems

Shirabu: they're disgusting

Kenma: oikawa and atsumu being in the same place irl would be horrifying 

Shirabu: they would terrorize everyone and then terrorize each other

Yahaba: no one is safe once Oikawa finds a bi more disastrous than him

Kageyama: i am kinda terrified

Kenma: as you should be  
Kenma: let's hope we never all meet in person

Shirabu: especially not with all our teams

Yahaba: lmao Oikawa would flat out cry if he saw ushijima

Yahaba: w that "yoU shOULD'vE cOmE to ShiRatOriZaWa" spiel

Kageyama: i kinda wanna see that happen

Kenma: ^^ sounds fun

Shirabu: when u say flat out r u referring to his flat ass as well

Yahaba: LMAOOOO

Yahaba: oml yes oikawa the flat ass

Kageyama: do u use honorifics for ur upperclassmen?

Shirabu: only if they deserve it

Kenma: not rlly no

Yahaba: at school maybe, anywhere else...no?

Shirabu: ur kinda two-faced

Yahaba: wOW U tAKE THAT BACK

Shirabu: never. 

_5:54 AM_

Suga: why were u guys up so late

Yahaba: I mean I woke up at 4 to do hw so technically I did sleep  
Yahaba: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Shirabu: Oikawa would u want a rat up ur flat ass

Oikawa: I absolutely would not 

Semi: Good choice

Akaashi: I'm glad we're revisiting this topic  
Akaashi: Because we obviously need to talk about this

Semi: We really do

Shirabu: Who here is most ratlike

Oikawa: Who would be the rattiest rat  
Oikawa: Bc I think it's 100% atsumu

Atsumu: scuse me  
Atsumu: That’s insultin

Oikawa: doesn't make u any less of a rat. I rest my case

Shirabu: then u would be a squirrel bc they're dumb and get run over all the time

Yahaba: lmao yeah he's dumb for sure

Semi: yeah but aren't squirrels resourceful tho?

Atsumu: compare oikawa's level of thirst for Iwaizumi with horny rabbits and you've got him down perfectly

Yahaba: GODDAMN WOW UR SPOT ON

Oikawa: TSUMU CHAN WTF ( ☉д⊙)

Futakuchi: me over here gaining a couple more brain cells every time someone insults atsumu or oikawa

Yahaba: especially if they insult each other

Suga: quality content right there

Semi: ^^^

_7:12 AM_

Oikawa: this is completely irrelevant but i found this video and it describes tsumu chan tryin to flirt w sakusa P E R F E C T L Y  
Oikawa: [link](https://youtu.be/cNEsl9J69OQ)

Kageyama: it's like being at the all Japan youth nationals all over again

Atsumu:...

Futakuchi: LMFAO

Semi: AHAHA

Akaashi: Kageyama please never change

Kenma: the accuracy is sad

Yahaba: ^

Atsumu:...

Suga: unfortunately he doesn't even have a hiccup to help him out

Atsumu:...

Oikawa: no words hm?

Atsumu: [blinkinggif](https://media.tenor.com/images/e5d82d59ab5f0e376fe75b49b97fd0fd/tenor.gif)

Semi: I think he's broken

Atsumu: LAKSJDAF;Jjl

Yahaba: uh what

Atsumu: WHAT DID YA DUMS SEND THAT'S MAKIN MY LESSER TWIN ROLL ON THE FLOOR LAUGHIN

Suga: pfftttt AHAH

Kenma: i was wondering why he was so silent

Atsumu: F U OIKAWA

Oikawa: NO THX UR NOT IWA CHAN

Suga: lmao u guys rn kageyama is on his phone laughing and hinata asked him if he finally found friends and kageyama’s face turned beet red and he threw hinata halfway across the gym 

Akaashi: yikes

Kenma: tell kageyama i will hurt him

Kageyama: im sorry i didn’t mean to throw him

Suga: he’s not wrong, it’s more or less become instinct for him to chuck hinata across the room whenever he’s embarrassed

Oikawa: also yikes

Atsumu: NOW ALL OF MY TEAMMATES R MAKIN FUN OF ME THX U GUYS

Oikawa: lmao ur welcome my good setter 

_7:56 PM_

Futakuchi: Moonshine is a type of alcohol right

Atsumu: Yes

Futakuchi: Wanna share some

Shirabu: Definitely yes

Atsumu: Hell yes

Futakuchi: hallelujah i need more drinking friends  
Futakuchi: i love aone and all but he has ZERO tolerance so i cant get properly wasted w him :((

Shirabu: can relate  
Shirabu: semi can't hold his drink either its disappointing

Suga: u guys are...in high school. wtf?

Kageyama: suga san maybe it's best to leave them be

_9:38_

Oikawa: Would you rather be a mackerel or a hatrack

Futakuchi: Uh  
Futakuchi: Mackerel?

Yahaba: U wanna be eaten??

Futakuchi: Yes.

Atsumu: Absolutely.

Yahaba: Lmao nice

Akaashi: was that an indirect bungou stray dogs reference or are my eyes hallucinating again

Oikawa: that was def a bsd reference ty for catching on pretty owl chan

Suga: am i the only person worried by "or are my eyes hallucinating again"

Akaashi: dont worry it's not a problem

Kenma: he just doesnt sleep sometimes and his eyes die

Kenma: one time he texted me in the morning when his eyes were dead and said "i think i just saw 4 bokutos i don't think i can handle being banged by 4 bokutos at once"

Kageyama: akaashi san u scare me a little bit

Akaashi: i scare myself too sometimes

Kenma: never take him drinking

Akaashi: please never take me drinking

Oikawa: well now im intriuged

Futakuchi: ngl me too i wanna see what akaashi is like drunk

Akaashi: u really dont want to see it

_3:27 AM_

Kageyama: My window just opened  
Kageyama: I am scard

Yahaba: Uh kageyama u good?

Kageyama: Why did my window ope

Kenma: You're haunted probably  
Kenma: I wonder if I could become a ghost and haunt other people too

Shirabu: why are our conversations on this chat so weird

Akaashi: ur asking this now? after we deadass spent 20 minutes talking about horny clowns the other night?

Shirabu: well . i can understand horny clowns

Kageyama: what

Akaashi: what, r u the horny clown?

Shirabu: SKG;ALASLKSF NO

Kenma: or r u into horny clown. bc if so. feelsbad for semi

Shirabu:

Kageyama: ur lack of an answer scares me im going to sleep bye bye

_5:42 AM_

Semi: what the actual fuck Kenjirou

Oikawa: PFFTTTT AHAAHAHAHAHA

Semi: i. have no words.

Oikawa: on clowns tho, , , maybe u should watch the Killer Klowns from Outer Space movie w him!!

Atsumu: sounds like a monstrosity lol

Oikawa: not as much of a monstrosity as u tsumu chan !

Atsumu: pot callin the kettle black much?

Semi: I think i've seen that movie before

Yahaba: when i first watched it it gave me nightmares  
Yahaba: there's this one scene when debbie is in her house and the tiny clown snakes things jump out at her and ughhhhhh i hated it

Kageyama: I thought the scene with the bloody bodies inside the cotton candy was yucky

Semi: ugh yeah that scene was a bit gross

Oikawa: yeah BUT THEYRE ALIENS!! ALIENS ALIENS ALIENS 👽👽👽

Atsumu: if u like aliens so much why dont we send ya to space

Yahaba: oh no Atsumu dont encourage him  
Yahaba: actually he wouldn't leave without iwaizumi san anyways  
Yahaba: he's too clingy to leave his boyfie behind on earth

Oikawa: alas! he will never be my boyfie bc iwa chan will never love me back T_T

Yahaba: ...

Suga: Oikawa I can and will come over to ur school and slap you istg

Yahaba: yes please do

Semi: ^^

Shirabu: ^^^^^

Atsumu: ^^^^^^^^

Futakuchi: yes pls slap him we all need it to be done

Oikawa: why r u guys bullying meeeee

Akaashi: because you deserve it

Futakuchi: and bc it's fun

Kenma: can't argue with those points

Kageyama: ^^

_1:42 AM_

Oikawa: [screenshot1](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-DcA5XDESHj4/X2iNQoG6maI/AAAAAAAAA84/AedeaIw4AZgYpptVzHwA9hkS1AGeszb6ACK8BGAsYHg/s0/2020-09-21.jpg)   
Oikawa: Yo my pirates of the Caribbean soulmate is will turner

Atsumu: WHAT THATS MY BOY

Suga: HAHA

Atsumu: Ya CANT TAKE MY BOY LIKE THAT

Oikawa: I JUST DID ALSO ATSUMU UR A LIBRA RIGHT

Atsumu: ...yes  
Atsumu: If I get Davey Jones istg im murderin yer ass oikawa

Oikawa: … :))  
Oikawa: [screenshot2](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-dLz_oQF2NFQ/X2iNRNCxqmI/AAAAAAAAA9A/Tiz_1YqRFKURRFBb0EYX9VLAbwTmatfkACK8BGAsYHg/s0/2020-09-21.jpg)

Astumu: FML

Oikawa: LMAOOOOO

Atsumu: I FUCKIN kNEW IT I HATE IT HERE

Suga: pffttt ahahaha

Oikawa: this quiz thinks atsumu is into tentacles and i think we all agree he is

Akaashi: if he is im sorry for sakusa

Suga: honestly we all are

Atsumu: I will have y'all know that he unblocked me yesterday

Kageyama: he also said that it was an accident and blocked u again? 

Atsumu: YANNO WHAT KAGEYAMA

Kageyama: plz don't hurt me I'm a good boy :DD

_3:41 AM_

Yahaba: has oikawa ever mentioned how much he loves pingu

Shirabu: what

Kageyama: what

Kenma:...

Yahaba: one time at like the middle of the day i was in literature class and i open my phone and see THIS: [buffpingu](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/205/364/054.jpg)   
Yahaba: W THE CAPTION: “doesn’t that look like my iwa-chan?”

Shirabu: wow gay

Yahaba: wow who’s the one here w a boyfriend?? you?

Kageyama: i feel kinda bad for iwaizumi san for putting up w oikawa san

Kenma: yeah me too

Akaashi: my eyes hurt

Kenma: again?

Akaashi: but i dont want to get up  
Akaashi: it should be fine

Kenma: ur gonna die if u keep doing this

Kageyama: ouch

Kenma: one day u will wake up bleeding excessively and then not get help and then you’re going to die and I’m going to be at ur funeral saying “i fucking told u so”

Shirabu: the longest message he’s ever sent lmao

Akaashi: wow. okay.

Yahaba: dw akaashi i have faith in ur survival skills

Kenma: more like a lack thereof 

Akaashi: says the person who doesn’t sleep

Kenma: yeah well at least I survive the day

Akaashi: i do too

Kenma: huh yeah sure tell that to all the thirsty texts u send to poor unsuspecting ppl like me

Akaashi: i’ll have u know ur the only person who gets those

Kenma: how unlucky

Akaashi: u deserve it

Yahaba: (yikes should we go)

Shirabu: (nah this is funny)

Kageyama: (u just want the clout dont u)

Shirabu: (shhhh)

Akaashi: u guys do realize we can see all ur texts

Kenma: ^^ yeah

Kageyama: lol

Yahaba: yeah shirabu kinda slow to the take

Shirabu: OH REALLY?

Yahaba: yEP

_5:18 AM_

Semi: lmao living for akaashi and kenma passive aggressively shading each other

Suga: ^^ city kids are wild

Kenma: we’re not wild we’re just

Akaashi: dead  
Akaashi: im dead. My eyes are burning. Fml i see three of me in the mirror

Futakuchi: do u need glasses??

Akaashi: at this point. People’s faces look blurry if i'm standing more than a meter away. So yes. probly

Kenma: that’s what u get

Semi: im curious as to why u were up so late tho

Kenma: he was watching recordings of fukurodani matches

Suga: ,,,uh why

Akaashi: bokuto is bueaitufl  
Akaashi: y eles

Semi: yikes ok then

Kenma: u see what i have to put up w?

Futakuchi: lmao i thought akaashi was one of the sane ones

Suga: yeah same

Semi: ^^

Kenma: u all thought wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly dunno how I feel about this chapter bc two thirds of it was typed at like 1 AM so,,,rip my eyes. 
> 
> (Does anyone else (if you're a student I guess) have to do like half-online, half-in-school stuff? Bc that's what we're doing. And it's a struggle but it gives me more time for stuff so win-win? Also, what is homework? Never heard of her. I swear I'm a good Asian child I don't talk to strangers :D)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Among Us.
> 
> That's it that's the summary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: For those of you who don't know or don't play the game, Among Us is basically a game where you're lil spaceboi and you run around on a map trying to finish tasks while there's An Imposter who is bad and tries to kill everyone. Whenever a dead body is found someone will report it and the people discuss who might've been the killer on a chat in the game before voting for who is most sus. The goal of the game is to either find the Imposter(s) before they kill everyone, or finish all the tasks before they kill everyone. (play or die basically)
> 
> It's really fun, and free on mobile and free on laptop/pc too if you know where to find it. Would recommend.
> 
> please enjoy :))

_9:51 PM_

Kenma: anyone up for among us

Oikawa: OMG YES ALIEN BABIES

Suga:,,,they’re not,,,aliens?

Atsumu: yea theyre lil ppl in spacesuits oikawa whatre u on

Oikawa: they look like aliens to me lol

Shirabu: well that’s bc ur blind

Yahaba: true in fact oikawa wears glasses 

Kageyama: wait what 

Oikawa: yeah I wear glasses so what CMON WHAT'S THE CODE

Akaashi: shouldn't we figure out who can play first

Futakuchi: I can play

Semi: ^^

Shirabu: ^^

Yahaba: ^^

Atsumu: ^^

Kageyama: I don't know how to

Suga: u guys can start first I'm gonna try and help kageyama get it on his laptop

Kenma: k  
Kenma: code is XXXXXX

Atsumu: that's real fukin ominous

Futakuchi: lmao I didn't know u could use big words

Atsumu: what's that supposed to mean

Futakuchi: absolutely nothing

Yahaba: smooth futakuchi real smooth

Akaashi: we're all in

_IMPOSTERS ARE SEMI (pink) AND AKAASHI (yellow)_

_futakuchi (dark green) is crewmate_   
_oikawa (cyan) is crewmate_   
_yahaba (light green) is crewmate_   
_shirabu (purple) is crewmate_   
_kenma (red) is crewmate_   
_atsumu (brown) is crewmate_

**DEAD BODY REPORTED BY RED**

_dead: Yahaba, Shirabu_

**in chat:**

Akaashi: where

Futakuchi: where

Kenma: found shirabu in hallway outside storage, near electrical

Atsumu: I saw oikawa in electrical earlier

Oikawa: I WAS FIXING WIRES

Semi: defensive now are we? 

Oikawa: I DID NOTJING

Akaashi: u sound vry sus

Oikawa: I. WHAT. I WAS LITERALLY FIXING THE WIRES

**Semi has voted (5 remaining)**

Atsumu: honestly yea

**Atsumu has voted (4 remaining)**

Oikawa: u guys know what I'm skipping

Kenma: hm but I did see semi double back from storage when I was doing wires in admin

**Kenma has voted (3 remaining)**

Futakuchi: yikes okay

Futakuchi: wait isn't yahaba dead too

Oikawa: oml yeah I forgot about him

Atsumu: can u guys plz vote already

Akaashi: if it isn't Oikawa then mb vote semi next round

**Akaashi has voted (2 remaining)**

**Oikawa has voted (1 remaining)**

**Futakuchi has voted (0 remaining)**

_Results: oikawa-😶😶😶 semi-😶😶 skipped-😶_

**Oikawa was not An Imposter. Two imposters remain**

**dead people chat:**

Shirabu: SEMI F*** YOU

Shirabu: I THOUGHT WE WERE PALS

Shirabu: U LITERAL TRAITOR I HATE U

Yahaba: gee calm down a lil won't u

Shirabu: I'M PISSED

Yahaba: yeah I can TELL

Yahaba: I straight up went into storage and didn't even get to find the wires before AKAASHI SNAPPED MY NECK

Shirabu: I was coming out of electrical like one does and tHEn he PULLS OUT A GUN AND SHOOTS ME

_two minutes later…_

**DEAD BODY REPORTED BY YELLOW**

_dead: red_

**in chat:**

Semi: where

Atsumu: where

Akaashi: security. And I saw atsumu running from it 

Atsumu: I WAS GOIN FROM THE REACTOR TO THE CAFeteria

Futakuchi: sounds sus

Akaashi: yeah

**Futakuchi has voted (3 remaining)**

**Akaashi has voted (2 remaining)**

Atsumu: M NOT THE IMPOSTER ISTG

Semi: lol too late

**Semi has voted (1 remaining)**

Atsumu: ugh y'all suck

**Atsumu has voted (0 remaining)**

_Results: Atsumu-😶😶😶 skipped-😶_

**Atsumu was not An Imposter. Two Imposters remain**

**dead people chat:**

Oikawa: lmao akaashi and semi r playing them good

Kenma: I'm going to destroy him next round I swear

Yahaba: u got killed by akaashi too? 

Kenma: yes I hate him

Shirabu: can't hate him as much as I hate semi

Shirabu: WHO SHOT ME IN THE HEAD

Kenma: well I was stabbed by the stomach spikey

Yahaba: oh yikes that's painful

**DEFEAT (the imposters won)**

_10:09 PM_

Akaashi: hah

Atsumu: ISTG I TOLD U I WAS GOIN FROM REACTOR

Oikawa: I TOLD U I WAS DOING WIRES

Kenma: that trick w the lights akaashi I hate u 

Akaashi: no u don't

Kenma: yes I do

Yahaba: I know I hate akaashi dude snapped MY NECK THE MOMENT. I WENT INTO STORAGE. I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO START MY TASK. 

Futakuchi: lmao loving how I never got killed. Gg

Semi: yeah well we won so. Gg you guys

Shirabu: terrible game*

Kenma: ^^

Yahaba: ^^

Atsumu: ^^^^^^^ 

Suga: we finished setting up is the code still the same? 

Kenma: yeah it's XXXXXX

Kageyama: thx

Suga: ty

_IMPOSTERS ARE SUGA (white) AND KAGEYAMA (dark blue)_

_futakuchi (dark green) is crewmate_   
_oikawa (cyan) is crewmate_   
_yahaba (light green) is crewmate_   
_shirabu (purple) is crewmate_   
_kenma (red) is crewmate_   
_atsumu (brown) is crewmate_   
_semi (pink) is crewmate_   
_akaashi (yellow) is crewmate_

**EMERGENCY MEETING CALLED BY CYAN**

**in chat:**

Semi: what

Yahaba: what

Akaashi: ? 

Shirabu: it hasn't even been a minute wtf I was in the middle of a download

**Oikawa has voted (9 remaining)**

Oikawa: TOBIO CHAN VENTED 

Kageyama: what's a vent

Suga: he just got the game I doubt he even knows how to navigate the screen

Futakuchi: much less vent lmao

Atsumu: lol yeah he was wanderin round like he didnt know the controls

Yahaba: im skipping? 

Kenma: same

**Suga has voted (8 remaining)**

Akaashi: honestly yeah

**Kenma has voted (7 remaining)**

**Akaashi has voted (6 remaining)**

Oikawa: I STRAIGHT UP SAW HIM VENT

Atsumu: yer hallucinatin ya dum

**Atsumu has voted (5 remaining)**

Kageyama: do I click the skipped button to vote it

Futakuchi: hE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO VOTE

Yahaba: yeah skip button

**everyone has voted. (0 remaining)**

_Results: Kageyama-😶 Oikawa-😶😶😶 skipped-😶😶😶😶😶😶_

**No one was ejected. Two Imposters remain**

_10 minutes later…_

**DEFEAT (the imposters won)**

_10:23 PM_

Oikawa: I TOLD U GUYS IT WAS TOBIO CHAN

Atsumu: GOODY TWO SHOES SHOT ME WTF

Futakuchi: yikes suga was scary good tho

Yahaba: lmao yeah while I was a ghost I saw as he brutally murdered futakuchi in comms, vent to admin, then sabotaged comms and ran back there then killed semi the moment he walked in

Akaashi: honestly do not know how that's possible

Semi: yeah how'd u wait the cooldown

Suga: easy. Killed futakuchi, vented to admin and waited for cooldown while checking out the admin device to see who was where  
Suga: sabotaged comms knowing that semi was nearby and the others were all the way in reactor or medbay  
Suga: ran to comms just in time for cooldown to be over, kill semi, me and Kageyama won. 

Kageyama: I rlly didn't know how to vent tho

Oikawa: I think the funniest part was wheN KAGEYAMA KILLED ATSUMU IN FRONT OF ME, VENTED AWAY, AND I REPORTED IT ONLY FOR SUGA TO ACCUSE ME FIRST BC HE WAS ALSO THERE APPARENTLY

Kageyama: yeah sorry I didnt see u there  
Kageyama: but fr i jumped into the vent and didnt know where to go

Shirabu: Out of the 8 of us crewmates suga killed like 4 ppl wtf  
Shirabu: like when we were doing o2, he was there first and I FUCKING THOUGHt he was helping BUT NO HE SNAPS MY NECK AND THEN RUNS AWAY 

Suga: \\\\(*＾＾*)//

Oikawa: how did NO ONE suspect him

Semi: I mean u were acting sus a lot oikawa

Futakuchi: lovin the one part where kageyama asked “how u vent like light blu did” and wE ALL VOTED OIKAWA

Oikawa: TOBIO CHAN OMG I HATE U

Kageyama: :))

Kenma: I thought it was akaashi again so I tailed him then when lights were out and kageyama snapped my neck

Kageyama: I didn't mean to

Kenma: yes u absolutely did   
Kenma: and by the time lights were back on kageyama was GONE and u guys all thought it was akaashi bc he was standing over my dead body

Yahaba: I'm impressed that both imposters stayed alive tho

Futakuchi: lmao so suga killed me, semi, shirabu, and yahaba? 

Kenma: yeah and kageyama killed me and atsumu

Oikawa: both me and pretty owl chan were falsely accused and ejected Ó╭╮Ò

Atsumu: yer too good

Kageyama: no u guys just suck

Suga: ^^^

_1:17 AM_

Shirabu: fml I forgot I have literature hw due tmrw

Shirabu: I FORGOT TO DO THE ENTIRE ESSAY

Kenma: well if that isn’t a mood

Yahaba: FML WE WERE PLAYING AMONG US FOR SO LONG I FORGOT MY MATH HW

Kageyama: lol sucks to be u two

Shirabu: fml i hate hw

Yahaba: yeah we’re high schoolers tho we all hate hw

Yahaba: but fr I'm gonna need to pull an all nighter for this ugh I completely forgot it

Kenma: idk how kuroo is such a nerd  
Kenma: and it's like,,, oddly sexy  
Kenma: like he was scolding me for not eating breakfast and then he started talking all sciencey about how I need protein to build enzymes and bind w substrates or smth it was rlly hot 

Yahaba: … 

Shirabu: … 

Akaashi: I present to u guys 1 AM thirsty kenma 

Shirabu: he wasnt like this the other night

Akaashi: well rn his new game is still installing and when he isn't gaming all he thinks about is kuroo

Yahaba: so ur saying that every other time we were talking to him he was normal bc he was _gaming?_

Akaashi: yeah

Kageyama: r all city people like that

Kenma: u know what shines brighter than the night city lights? 

Yahaba: ,,, uh no

Kenma: kuroos sweat after a long game

Shirabu: can I plz bleach my eyes

Kageyama: I thought kenma was normal tho

Akaashi: no one is normal

Yahaba: yeah I see that now

_3:47 AM_

**Kenma has deleted 5 messages**

Yahaba: wot

Kageyama: I can't see the messages he sent now

Shirabu: well that's cuz HE DELETED THEM

Akaashi: I have screenshots tho

Kenma: you delete those right now

Akaashi: I do not see

_6:52 AM_

Oikawa: IT IS CURRENTLY 6 52 IN THE MORN AND JUST NOW IN THE MIDDLE OF EARLY PRACTICE YAHABA TOLD MAD DOG CHAN THAT “ I love u but can u not rn” BECAUSE HE ACCIDENTALLY KNOCKED INTO HIM AND HE WAS SHOUTING AND NOW FHLAI:SJdRKJSDLF;KA’FG

Suga: oop-

Shirabu: hAH

Yahaba: NO THAT NEVER HAPPENED 

Futakuchi: y do i feel like ur lying

Yahaba: i wanna die WELP GONNA DIE IWAIZUMI SAN IS COMIN OVER BYE

Oikawa: hi this is iwaizumi sry for all the trouble this shithead has caused but he’s 100% right yahaba did happen now we need to go practice so he’ll ttyl

Shirabu: hah yahaba’s got guts

Futakuchi: lmfao good luck to seijoh’s disaster setters

Suga: i wanna say i feel bad but i started laughing and now daichi looks mad byEee y’all

_12:23 PM_

Kageyama: idk how much u guys care about this topic but sakusa san and atsumu are actually getting along in the the nationals gc right now

Yahaba: I am genuinely surprised

Semi: how what when where why?

Kageyama: …   
Kageyama: I was mistaken. it was Komori san texting from Sakusa san’s phone

Oikawa: BWAHAHa

Akaash: who exactly is in that group chat

Kageyama: me, atsumu, komori and sakusa san, and hoshiumi san

Suga: didnt u and sakusa start off on a bad start? I feel like u told us at practice that one time…

Atsumu: lmfao yea tobio kun called him “normal” or smth i wasn’t there to witness it but komori laughs bout it a lot

Semi: yikes u called one of the top spikers in japan normal?

Kageyama: i make a lot of poor choices   
Kageyama: we're kinda okay now though

Atsumu: at least he talks to ya 

Semi: f in the chat for poor atsumu

Shirabu: nah

Futakuchi: ^^

Oikawa: atsumu doesn't deserve our pity ୧( ಠ Д ಠ )୨

Akaashi: says the one in love w his childhood friend

Suga: oh yipes that's gotta hurt

Oikawa: loTs oF pEoPLe faLL iN LoVe wiTh thEiR chiLdHoOd fRieNd tho

Futakuchi: to be fair none of them are as disastrous as u

Suga: just realized that Yahaba hasn't been on since morning? 

Oikawa: OMG THAT'S WHAT I WAS GONNA TELL U GUYS 

Shirabu: wtf?

Futakuchi: ?? 

Kageyama: [•.•ิ]

Oikawa: YAHABA DRAGGED MAD DOG CHAN TO THE FAR BUILDING SIDE AFTER PRACTICE AND I HAVEN'T SEEN THEM SINCE

Semi: who would've thunk yahaba was a top? 

Shirabu: not me 

Akaashi: or he’s a brat but we’ll never know

Oikawa: , , , o k i j u s t s aw t h e m a g a i n and th e y’re GASP! HOLDING HANDS

Suga: aw that’s cute

Oikawa: yahaba channn when u read this consider it revenge for all the times u exposed me tyyy

_2:41 PM_

Yahaba:...

Yahaba: should i be surprised

Kenma: its the dumbass grand king u shouldn’t be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me here lowkey running out of ideas HeLpPPpp I'm so tired,,,(◕︿◕✿)(◕︿◕✿) only by blasting [this](https://youtu.be/cTVM2cQ3JI0) miku video on loop can I survive my zoom classes I swear
> 
> thx for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> people get kicked and children are terrifying ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this was late i wanted the chapter up by yesterday but welp life had other plans,,,also bc among us has been taking over my life (if u see a random yellow spaceboi named ppnation or lemonchild w the lil plant stem it's me)
> 
> please enjoy :))

_9:32 PM_

Astumu: Oikawa can i just say  
Atsumu: i literally voted for u not even bc i knew it was you  
Atsumu: i hate how good my instincts are  
Atsumu: BC THEN U KILLED ME  
Atsumu: BC YA KNEW THAT I KNEW  
Atsumu: OIKAWA  
Atsumu: I LEGIT MY INSTINCTS  
Atsumu: MY GUT FEELS  
Atsumu: MY BUTT VIBES  
Atsumu: THEY KNOW TOO MUCH  
Atsumu: I HATE EBERYTHIN

Oikawa: LMAO  
Oikawa: that’s what you get~~

Atsumu: U SUC

Oikawa: only on saturdays :P

_9:56 PM_

Oikawa: TSUMU CHAN I HATE YOU SO MUCH  
Oikawa: I'm haunting your ass so hard  
Oikawa: my ghost is UP your ass dude  
Oikawa: Its farther up your ass than stalins hand was in Hitler  
Oikawa: "Finish your tasks"  
Oikawa: I'm gonna kick your ass so hard dude

Atsumu: HAHAHA

Semi: lmfao do you guys not have a private chat

Oikawa: i’m too lazy to private when this chat is clearly available   
Oikawa: BUT U GOT CAUGHT ANYWAYS TSUMU CHAN IN UR FACE

Atsumu: i just wanted to kill ya it don’t matter if i get caught

Oikawa: biTCH

Futakuchi: do you two just play among us by yourselves or smth

Atsumu: nah we play w strangers online

Oikawa: tis very fun :DD

_8:41 AM_

Semi: unpopular opinions go

Akaashi: bokuto is number one spiker

Atsumu: wHAT

Akaashi: did i fucking stutter 

Atsumu: fine mine is gonna be that akaashi is secretly a serial killer or smth

Kenma: to be fair ur probly right  
Kenma: also unpopular opinion is middle blockers are the best

Osamu: can support ^^

Oikawa: the spider from james and the giant peach was hot 

Suga: excuse me what

Futakuchi: lmfao wtf??

Semi: oikawa has some wild takes but my take is that teNDOU NEEDS TO CONFESS PROPERLY

Shirabu: fucking hell ur right

Akaashi: context? 

Semi: they're both literal monsters and ushijima is kinda a brick ngl so tendou needs to confess

Suga: tendou like the red haired blocker? 

Shirabu: that's the bitch

Oikawa: wait someone actually likes ushijima  
Oikawa: I cannot believe this blasphemy

Shirabu: i mean ushijima is the only one who’ll put up w tendou

Semi: tis a mystery how

_3:42 PM ___

__Shirabu: I just got landed in cleaning duty_ _

__Yahaba: hah u suck_ _

__Shirabu: twas the middle of class and I bullshitted a whole story to cover for my UNFINISHED ESSAY THAT WAS DUE TODAY NOT YESTERDAY_ _

__Kageyama: what story did u come up with_ _

__Futakuchi: and why did it fail so badly_ _

__Shirabu: my family have an annual conference where they dunk all the ppl under the age of 18 into a pool and whoever makes it out first has rights and I unfortunately did not make it out bc my younger cousins sabotaged me and I was left all alone in the pool until I finally woke up and it was time for school and my essay was not finished  
Shirabu: she then questioned why my hair wasn't wet  
Shirabu: and I asked her if she was so old she didn't know about the existence of hairdryers_ _

__Futakuchi: LMFAOOO_ _

__Shirabu: landed in cleaning duty by myself fml I can't even go to practice_ _

__Kenma: wow can't relate_ _

__Suga: ^^_ _

__Atsumu: m playin among us w my teammates bc our captain needed to step out AND MY DUM TWIN MURKED ME  
Atsumu: HE LOCKED ME IN THE MEDBAY, KILLED ME, THEN VENTED AWAY_ _

__Akaashi: I'm assuming you deserved it_ _

__Atsumu: hi this is miya osamu I can confirm he did in fact deserve it_ _

__Oikawa: ur the better looking twin right_ _

__**Atsumu added Osamu to the chat** _ _

__Osamu: I am the better lookin twin yea_ _

__Kenma: the one without the pisscolored hair right_ _

__Osamu: Mhm_ _

__Semi: you're also like,,, mildly sane right_ _

__Osamu: some say I took all the brain cells in the womb_ _

__Atsumu: some being yer asshole of a boyfriend sunarin_ _

__Osamu: he's better than u tho_ _

__Atsumu: 🖕🖕I hate ya_ _

__Osamu: the feelins mutual_ _

__Shirabu: wait u just killed atsumu in among us right_ _

__Osamu: yea?_ _

__Shirabu: we're keeping you_ _

__Atsumu: scuse me?_ _

__Osamu: you've been excused ya degenerate_ _

__Futakuchi: hallelujah let's kick atsumu and keep this one i like him_ _

__Atsumu: WTF WHATR YA ON_ _

__Futakuchi: all in agreement say aye_ _

__Kenma: aye_ _

__Yahaba: aye_ _

__Shirabu: aye_ _

__Kageyama: aye_ _

__Suga: aye_ _

__Osamu: aye_ _

__Semi: aye_ _

__Akaashi: please_ _

__Oikawa: bye bye tsumu chan!!_ _

__**Futakuchi has removed Atsumu from the chat** _ _

__Oikawa: good riddance haha_ _

__Suga: yeah on that note I'm still curious why do u think the spider is hot?_ _

__Oikawa: SHE WEARS A BERET_ _

__Suga: ok and??_ _

__Oikawa: I LIKE WHAT I LIKE OKAY???_ _

__Osamu: lmao u seem like more of a disaster than tsumu is_ _

__Suga: yikes that is not a compliment_ _

__Kageyama: usually I'd agree but nothing beats atsumu trying to flirt with sakusa san_ _

__Futakuchi: from pingu to aliens to a fucking spider from _james and the giant peach__ _

__Akaashi: when will wonders ever cease_ _

__Semi: okay but I just looked up the spider and ngl I see where he's coming from but also…it's a spider_ _

__Semi:[spider](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/1b/a8/f1/1ba8f1ef34f61c1b2343762ec70f290d.jpg)_ _

__Oikawa: SHE’S ALSO FRENCH AND LONELY AND NEEDS FRIENDS WHO ARENT SCARED OF HER_ _

__Yahaba: yikes sounds like ur describing urself but ur not french_ _

__Shirabu: she's got some nice boots tho_ _

__Oikawa: them heels are hot i love her sm_ _

__Kenma: I've seen akaashi pull off taller_ _

__Akaashi: what_ _

__Suga: what_ _

__Semi: what_ _

__Kageyama: what_ _

__Osamu: scuse me could ya repeat that_ _

__Kenma: akaashi has pulled off taller_ _

__Akaashi: when where how_ _

__Kenma: u can't fool me kuroo has pictures_ _

__Akaashi: fml_ _

__Suga: context? Please?_ _

__Kenma: maid cafe at fukurodanis school festival and akaashi had to wear heels w the costume_ _

__Akaashi: the heels werent too bad tbh_ _

__Oikawa: I probly could've worn them better!!_ _

__Yahaba: lmfao what a lie  
Yahaba: he tried on heels once bc we were playing truth or dare after practice and immediately fell over and screamed so loudly but then _ _

__Oikawa: NO NO DON'T TELL THEM_ _

__Semi: please tell us_ _

__Akaashi: ^^_ _

__Suga: ^^_ _

__Kenma: ^^_ _

__Yahaba: so there was a big dog nearby and when he fell over and screamed the dog came running and I have never seen oikawa so scared as he tried to evade the dog in heels  
Yahaba: (and then the dog rammed into him and he face planted) _ _

__Futakuchi: LMFAO NICE_ _

__Oikawa: I DID NOT FACE PLANT_ _

__Kageyama: I take it back oikawa san is more disastrous than atsumu_ _

__Osamu: u northerners are wack_ _

__Shirabu: says the one w the weird accent_ _

__Osamu: at least m not tsumu_ _

__Futakuchi: that is valid_ _

__Semi: when shirabu was a child he tripped over rocks at the beach and face planted into the rocks so oikawa ur not alone_ _

__Shirabu: I DID NOT GIVE CONSENT FOR U TO SHARE THAT_ _

__Osamu: tsumu used to dig up the lawn and look for ants to eat_ _

__Futakuchi: AHAHA_ _

__Kenma: can’t say im surprised_ _

__Akaashi: that explains the lack of braincells_ _

__Oikawa: pretty owl chan i have no idea who ur talking about rn but honestly valid_ _

__Suga: childhood stories are the best_ _

__Futakuchi: facts tho ^^_ _

__

___7:10 PM_ _ _

__Yahaba: tbh kinda miss making fun of atsumu to his face_ _

__Kageyama: should we add him back?_ _

__Oikawa: it’s barely been a day wdym_ _

__Yahaba: honestly we should kick u too and add in iwaizumi san_ _

__Kageyama: I support ^^_ _

__Suga: me too ヾ(＾-＾)ノ_ _

__Futakuchi: I think our answers are self explanatory_ _

__Oikawa: WAIT WHAT NO DON'T KICK ME PLZ_ _

__Suga: bye bye 👋_ _

__Oikawa: MR REFRESHING KUN WTF_ _

__**Yahaba has removed Oikawa from the chat** _ _

__**Yahaba has added Iwaizumi to the chat** _ _

__Iwaizumi: wait why what_ _

__Kageyama: hi Iwaizumi san_ _

__Iwaizumi: uh hi kageyama can someone explain to me y oikawa just sent yahaba to do laps for the rest of practice_ _

__Semi: scroll up_ _

__Iwaizumi: …oh i see  
Iwaizumi: would love to stay and talk but I'm in like 5 other chats w lots of people so can u guys please remove me thank you_ _

__Suga: yeah np_ _

__Semi: nice talk_ _

__**Semi has removed Iwaizumi from the chat** _ _

__Futakuchi: on that note should we add atsumu back_ _

__Akaashi: is that rlly a good choice though_ _

__Suga: admittedly no_ _

__Shirabu: but it was fun making fun of him_ _

__Yahaba: that is valid_ _

__Kageyama: please add him back he won’t stop spamming me w messages_ _

__Osamu: he won’t stop yellin at me either  
Osamu: I’ll just add him_ _

__**Osamu has added Atsumu to the chat** _ _

__Atsumu: all of ya are worse than that dumbass horny clown  
Atsumu: BUT ALSO NEWS_ _

__Kageyama: is it about sakusa san_ _

__Atsumu: YEA  
Atsumu: wait how’d ya know_ _

__Kageyama: bc komori san was telling me and hoshiumi san that sakusa san finally unblocked you fr_ _

__Suga: I’m kind of amazed_ _

__Futakuchi: congrats?_ _

__Akaashi: did sakusa get kidnapped or smth bc the real one would never do that_ _

__Osamu: yeah why would he willingly put up with this asshole_ _

__Atsumu: tHIS ASSHOLE WAS W YA IN THE WOMB_ _

__Osamu: shoulda killed ya in the womb too_ _

__Shirabu: that wouldve been greatly appreciated_ _

__Yahaba: a bit too late for that lmao_ _

__Kageyama: I just saw a llama_ _

__Suga: what?_ _

__Semi: ??_ _

__Futakuchi: a llama in miyagi?? That shouldnt be a thing_ _

__Kenma: a llama in japan shouldnt be a thing altogether_ _

__Kageyama: apologies hinata has just informed me that it isn’t a llama it’s a dog_ _

__Akaashi: do you need glasses too?_ _

__Kageyama: um hoping not  
Kageyama: it might’ve been because Hinata’s sister just threw the volleyball at my head rlly hard  
Kageyama: didn’t know little kids were strong_ _

__Kenma: hah_ _

__Yahaba: little kids are terrifying_ _

__Suga: uh how?_ _

__Osamu: when we were in junior high tsumu was bullied by an 8 yr old in the neighborhood_ _

__Atsumu: HE LITERALLY TRIED TO PUNCH ME WHEN I WAS MINDIN MY OWN BUSINESS  
Atsumu: and he played fuckin baseball   
Atsumu: so when we played volleyball  
Atsumu: he would chase me around the yard and try to chuck it at me full speed_ _

__Osamu: i’d laugh but i went through the same treatment a week later so_ _

__Yahaba: there was a little kid in my neighborhood with a pet bird and it listened to her and whenever someone she saw someone she didnt like SHE’D TELL THE BIRD “SIC EM” AND THEN THE BIRD WOULD ATTACK THEM_ _

__Futakuchi: were u attacked??_ _

__Yahaba: YES I FUCKING WAS_ _

__Shirabu: hah u suck_ _

__Yahaba: DO U KNOW HOW SCARY BIRDS CAN BE_ _

__Shirabu: birds aren’t scary_ _

__Yahaba: shirabu I will bust ur kneecaps using a bird_ _

__Semi: please go ahead_ _

__Shirabu: better start busting bitch_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk how I feel about this chapter but I'm also working on another fic right now too so mayhaps that'll come out soon? (probably not anytime soon but I'm really excited for it sooooo) 
> 
> thx for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bees.
> 
> and hyenas.
> 
> That's it that's the chapter.
> 
> (and our favorite king comes back too dw everyone)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because Atsumu deadass looks like Barry B Benson and I cannot. (when I'm on my laptop and I click the link to the picture it fills up my whole screen and I wanna cry)
> 
> please enjoy :))

_1:46 AM_

Atsumu: ok what does my twin have that’s better than me

Osamu: for one, I can cook  
Osamu: two, i dont have yer ugly pissed colored hair  
Osamu: and three, ’m not an asshole

Suga: oh yikes

Futakuchi: wait you can cook

Osamu: yea i make lunch for us most days

Semi: what do u usually make

Atsumu: uh food?

Osamu: usually bentos  
Osamu: sometimes onigiri

Atsumu: the onigiri is probably the best

Akaashi: plz marry me

Kenma: lmfao akaashi u onigiri simp

Osamu: i’ll marry you platonically for the tax benefits

Akaashi: I demand one onigiri a meal every day

Osamu: deal

Akaashi: 💛💛💛

Osamu: 💛💛💛

Akaashi: time to move to hyogo :))

Atsumu: 'm tellin yer boyfriend that ya got married

Osamu: go ahead (´。＿。｀) lmao

Kenma: akaashi r u doing this bc bokuto cant make rice

Akaashi: exactly  
Akaashi: I need my onigiri  
Akaashi: if that means I need to be a side hoe then so be it

Futakuchi: honestly valid 

Yahaba: better an onigiri obsession than a milk bread one

Suga: hah that was on TV wasn't it

Yahaba: "Oikawa Tooru's favorite food is milk bread, his personal motto is 'if you're gonna hit it, then hit it til it breaks' "

Shirabu: oikawa is a basic bitch

Semi: we all been knew

Atsumu: wait where'd oikawa even go

Yahaba: we kicked him when u were kicked

Atsumu: r ya gonna add him back? 

Semi: not as of rn I hope

Suga: yeah nope

Yahaba: I'm not adding him back but he just sent me a picture and I need to show it to u guys bc it's hilarious  
Yahaba: [picture](https://i.imgur.com/XS3Kn8g_d.webp?maxwidth=728&fidelity=grand)

Atsumu:,,, 

Osamu: LMFAO HAH

Futakuchi: AKGKSJHGS IT FITS SO WELL

Shirabu: ofc he looks like the fucking bee

Suga: I'm slightly horrified but that's so funny I can't

Kenma: sucks to look bee a bee man

Akaashi: atsumu giving strong rat and bee vibes over here and no one can relate

Semi: does that make him a ratbee  
Semi: or a beerat? 

Futakuchi: either way he’s still ratsumu lmao

Yahaba: Lmaooo ratsumu the bee boi

Atsumu: I literally hate y'all sm

Kageyama: I'm gonna send it to the nationals gc

Atsumu: TOBIO KUN DON'T YA DARE

Kageyama: (｡･ω･｡)

**NATIONALS BOIS LET'S GO 三三ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ**

_1:57 AM_

Kageyama: [picture](https://i.imgur.com/XS3Kn8g_d.webp?maxwidth=728&fidelity=grand)  
Kageyama: miya ratsumu the bee boi confirmed

Atsumu: TOBIO KUN STOP

Hoshiumi: BWAHAHAHAHAHA ATSUMU THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE  
Hoshiumi: U ARE THE BEE

Komori: oml that's hilarious Barry's face fits so well

Sakusa: I want bleach

Atsumu: I want to be buried alive

Komori: don't you mean you want to _bee_ buried alive? 

Hoshiumi: BEELIEVE U CAN DO IT

Kageyama: don't bee sad that ur a bee

Atsumu: ISTG I WILL KILL ALL A Y'ALL

Sakusa: in ur dreams u disgusting bee

Hoshiumi: buzz buzz bitches BZzzZZzzZZzzz 

Kageyama: 🐝🐝🐝 bee boi atsumu lol

Komori: Atsumu hitting on someone like "Hey bay _bee_ ya like jazz?"

Atsumu: S T O P 

Sakusa: this is what you get for having piss colored hair

Atsumu: MY HAIR LOOKS FINE

Komori: it really don't

Kageyama: ^^

Hoshiumi: ^^^^ sry to break it to you but it sucks man

Sakusa: ur hair is only second to ur personality  
Sakusa: both are horrendous

Atsumu: OH JEE THX OMI KUN

Sakusa: don't call me that

Komori: (keep calling him that hehe (￣∇￣)) 

Sakusa: komori u might be family but that doesn't mean I won't kill u

Komori: just trying to be of help (o´・Υ・)ﾉ･  
Komori: (also go ahead and try)

**The Pretty Setters + Futakuchi and mayhaps others**

_2:08 AM_

Futakuchi: what's happening over on the nationals side? 

Kageyama: we're making fun of Atsumu

Osamu: all is well w the world when ppl make fun of Atsumu

Kageyama: and now we're back to atsumu calling sakusa san "Omi kun" and komori san encouraging it

Atsumu: komori is the only bitch I can trust in this world

Kageyama: ,,, didn't he call u bee boi atsumu?

Atsumu: don't matter he's helpin me win over omi kun

Akaashi: good luck doing that

Semi: I thought sakusa had a thing for ushijima? Or was that just me

Atsumu: wot 

Shirabu: no that was definitely a thing  
Shirabu: at one point at least

Atsumu: wOT

Semi: he gave up tho I thought? Ushijima rejected him right? 

Atsumu: WHAT

Shirabu: yeah that happened

Kageyama: oh yeah komori san told me about that the other day

Akaashi: from what I heard it was last year though

Semi: yeah it was a while back sakusa has definitely  
moved on 

Atsumu: okay thats good

Osamu: yeah but doesn't sakusa san like things to be clean or smth  
Osamu: ur a fuckin mess tsumu

Atsumu: I.  
Atsumu: AM NOT.  
Atsumu: A MESS

Kageyama: that's a lie

Atsumu: what

Kageyama: ur room at the training camp was probly second messiest after hoshiumi san

Osamu: I don't touch yer side of our bedroom for a reason 

Atsumu: M TRYIN MY BEST

Kageyama: don't you mean your _BEE_ ST

Atsumu: STFU TOBIO KUN

_7:01 AM_

Yahaba: OK A Y I NEED TO ADD OIKAWA BACK OR HE'LL MAKE ME RUN LAPS FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK

Shirabu: weak  
Shirabu: can't even sacrifice a week of laps for our sanities? 

Yahaba: I care more about my well being then ur brains u bitch

Suga: that's honestly valid

Yahaba: sry for ur sanities everyone

**Yahaba has added Oikawa to the chat**

Oikawa: DID U GUYS MISS ME

Kenma: no

Futakuchi: ngl kinda  
Futakuchi: u provided funny material

Semi: otherwise no tho

Suga: ^^

Yahaba: also I am officially not single anymore just thought y'all should know :)) 

Oikawa: yeah btw they're terrible yahaba has mad dog chan wrapped around his finger  
Oikawa: I was minding my own business 

Suga: as you never do

Oikawa: Mr refreshing kun you know me so well  
Oikawa: anyways I wasn't minding my own business but tHEN I SAW MAD DOG CHAN GIVE YAHABA A FOREHEAD KISS  
Oikawa: I was horrified  
Oikawa: it was too much for my heart to handle ಥ‿ಥ ಥ‿ಥ

Akaashi: take that adorable relationship and give it an award bc he's the only setter to get his shit together

Kenma: ^^unfortunately ur right

Futakuchi: ayo yahaba welcome to the club

Yahaba: ty for taking me in I love it here already

Atsumu: stOP FLEXIN

Yahaba: u jealous? 

Oikawa: I know I am bc u two r too cute and I want forehead kisses too  
Oikawa: (´；ω；`)

Yahaba: ask iwaizumi san for some

Oikawa: I TURNED TO HIM TO ASK AND I DIDN'T EVEN OPEN MY MOUTH WHEN HE SAID NO AND CALLED ME SHITTYKAWA

Suga: yikes that's gotta hurt

Kageyama: suga san u should ask daichi san for some too he'd give them

Suga: haha what nooOoOooO 

Kenma: yeah that's a mood

Akaashi: ^^

Osamu: lmfao tsumu just asked our captain if he could spare a bit of affection and kita kun looked him dead in the eyes and said “in yer dreams”

Atsumu: I THOUGHT KITA KUN WOULD BE NICE TO ME

Osamu: ya thought wrong  
Osamu: ya dumb

Shirabu: ur officially my new favorite person on this chat

Semi: wtf am i dirt or smth

Shirabu: yes  
Shirabu: yes u r

Semi: wonderful  
Semi: expect to die at practice this afternoon  
Semi: bitch

Yahaba: how i wish i could say that to oikawa 

Oikawa: OH WOW.  
Oikawa: WOW  
Oikawa: MY PRECIOUS KOUHAI  
Oikawa: WOW

Yahaba: I was never ur precious anything what

Oikawa: everyone’s betraying me T-T  
Oikawa: my best friend  
Oikawa: my kouhai  
Oikawa: what have I done to deserve this

Suga: i don’t think u want us to answer that :P

Kageyama: ^^^^

Futakuchi: ^^^^ mhm facts

_6:42 PM_

Futakuchi: ayo guys what’re your patronuses

Akasshi: i’m willing to bet atsumu’s is a rat

Osamu: yer pretty close he got a mole

Oikawa: HAH HOW

Semi: his personality is pretty similar tbh  
Shirabu: nosy and digs for clout

Atsumu: okay but yer right

Suga: aren’t moles like garden ruiners

Yahaba: lmao yeah

Futakuchi: moles also kinda uggy ngl 

Osamu: no wonder tsumu got a mole

Atsumu: I AM _NOT_ UGGY  
Atsumu: im adorable :DD

Kageyama: most people would say otherwise

Shirabu: yeah ur a fucking rat

Akaashi: I got a white swan as my patronus the first time  
Akaashi: i made a second account and got a heron but thats the same as the author and i cant rlly vibe w her rn

Oikawa: ofc pretty owl chan gets the elegant looking birds

Suga: I got a lioness :))  
Suga: ugh yeah im kinda ignoring she exists  
Suga: love the books not the author?

Akaashi: ^^

Oikawa: why am i also not surprised mr refreshing kun got a lioness

Suga: bc im the best obviously

Kageyama: i just took it  
Kageyama: what’s a thestral

Oikawa: WAIT U GOT A THESTRAL WOT

Futakuchi: wow that’s one of the rarest ones

Suga: ur a special child kageyama 

Kageyama: it looks kinda scary 

Yahaba: aren’t thestrals also like,,,bad omens

Kageyama: yikes okay 

Atsumu: tobio kun at least ya didn’t get a mole

Semi: he’s right it could be a lot worse

Shirabu: I think i got a hyena

Yahaba: LMAO THAT SOUNDS LIKE YOU YEP

Shirabu: HYENAS ARE COOL WHY’RE U LAUGHING

Kenma: kuroo laughs like a hyena

Akaashi: it’s a bit horrifying to be frank  
Akaashi: here’s a video of him laughing: [10 hour loop](https://youtu.be/4H9IHT6vF_o)

Osamu: why is it 10 hours long

Kenma: taketora put it on loop 

Akaashi: u mean you put it on loop  
Akaashi: kenma he might’ve taken the vid but u were the one who sent me the 10 hr ver

Kenma: u shut it

Oikawa: MREAHAHAHAHAHA

Akaashi: sTop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I listened to the 10 hr video of kuroo laughing while typing this. 'M dying. Tis the life.
> 
> I would just like to say that my fav setters are Oikawa and Atsumu and this fic is just my fulfilling my urge to bully them because I love them too much not to. (Oikawa was my ult fave for the longest time but Atsumu is slowing climbing the ranks the more sakuastu fics I read so wELP) 
> 
> thx for reading :))
> 
> ***EDIT BECAUSE I REMEMBERED THAT THE NEW EPISODES ARE COMING OUT ON FRIDAY!! COUNTDOWN STARTING LET'S GOOOOOO


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lol what's a summary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'M CURRENTLY WATCHING THE NEW EPISODE AS I WORK ON THIS FIC AND OMG NO SPOILERS BUT I'M SO HAPPY TO SEE THE BOIS BACK AND READY TO GOOOOooooOOOO ALSO THE OPENING IS BOMB TOO?? (if u wanna hmu and talk about haikyuu and/or play among us my discord is lemonchild#1438 plz friend me I need more friends)
> 
> please enjoy and make sure to watch the new episodes!! If you don't have crunchyroll like me, twist.moe is what I use to watch it! :))

_10:37 PM_

Osamu: if tsumu asks if ya wanna see cursed images tell him no

Yahaba: uh why

Atsumu: [image]()

Atsumu:[image]()

Osamu: NO STOP WTF 

Suga: oml what the hell

Shirabu: what the actual fuck

Akaashi: .

Kenma: ..

Kageyama: im scared

Futakuchi: I think we all are 

Semi: ^^

Oikawa: AHAHAHAA

Atsumu: my saved pictures are the best y’all

Suga: why do u even have those saved

Atsumu: y don’t u have them saved?

Yahaba: my eyes have been scarred for life  
Yahaba: I will never see thomas the train the same again

Kageyama: ^^ we need bleach

Osamu: sry i couldnt stop him

Akaashi: it’s alright we’re still alive

Shirabu: no we’re fuckinG NOT  
Shirabu: my brain just about lost all my brain cells seeing that

Oikawa: oml tsumu chan where’d u find the images I want some

Atsumu: lmao google. Look up cursed images and pick a topic

Oikawa: ty very much (>‿◠)✌

Futakuchi: jesus christ why

Suga: noOOoOOooooo stop why are you two like this??

Oikawa: ( ͡❛ ‿‿ ͡❛) i will send all the cursed images for u all to see

Yahaba: Oikawa i will show everything u send to iwaizumi san tmrw morning at practice

Oikawa: WAI T NO 

Yahaba: that’s what i thought

Oikawa: O﹏o ⊙_☉   
Oikawa: why am i being blackmailed ಥ_ಥ ಥ_ಥ

Kenma: the real question is why r u like this

Futakuchi: ^

Shirabu: ^^^^^^

Oikawa: nooooo don’t do this to me (╥﹏╥)

Akaashi: that’s what u get

Kenma: oh yeah that reminds me   
Kenma: the other day akaashi confessed  
Kenma: to a tree

Akaashi: who the fuck told you that 

Suga: ^^ language

Akaashi: sry  
Akaashi: _whomst_ the fuck told you that

Kenma: kuroo has a video. And we were all there anyways

Futakuchi: lmao what

Osamu: akaashi what i thought u were married to me

Atsumu: guess he thought the tree was better

Osamu: guess ‘m gonna take yer phone and tell sakusa san that yer in love w him

Atsumu: DON’T DO THAT

Osamu: that’s what i thought

Oikawa: uh back to pretty owl chan  
Oikawa: how drunk were you?

Akaashi: i was not drunk

Kenma: ^^ he’s telling the truth he wasn’t drunk

Akaashi: it was a dare

Futakuchi: who would come up w a dare to confess to a tree tho

Kenma: no actually kuroo dared him to confess to who he liked most in our group 

Akaashi: i picked the tree  
Akaashi: the tree is the only bitch i can trust in this house

Futakuchi: lmao real smooth

Akaashi: it was either that or confess to bokuto and im not about to do that

Kenma: he stares at u w googly eyes what

Akaashi: no he doesn't. 

Kenma: ur a blind hoe 

Akaashi: no u with ur bitch of a childhood friend that's so obviously staring at _you_ with heart eyes or wtvr

Kenma: I'll stab you 💛

Akaashi: fucking try me 💛

Kenma: b l i n d

Akaashi: I'll run u over w a bulldozer :)) 

Kenma: I'd like to see u try :)) 

Futakuchi: (every time these two get in an argument idk what to say) 

Kageyama: (^yeah same) 

Yahaba: (and it’s like. Very high tension)

Semi: (the tension is too high idk when or where to talk) 

Osamu: (how often does this happen?) 

Suga: (every couple of days) 

Shirabu: (admittedly not fun) 

Futakuchi: (almost 100% it's bc they need to channel their frustrations and it's not like they can vent to their crushes about liking them or smth) 

Semi: (but like also it goes from 0 to 100 rlly quick) 

Suga: (they're both pretty touchy bout their crushes I think) 

Osamu: (ah I see) 

Yahaba: (city folk are scary) 

Kageyama: (^^^^^ I agree) 

Akaashi: again, typing in parentheses doesn't mean we can't see it

Yahaba: (yeah but we're whispering so u cant hear us anyways) 

Kenma: …   
Kenma: I've got no words for this

Futakuchi: trying to use the parentheses to hide our words, never? 

Kageyama: i dont think we’ve done that before

Akaashi: ...

Shirabu: oh yeah we’d never do that

Yahaba: shirabu would tell it to ur faces bc he’s a lil salty child

Semi: ^^

Shirabu: oh fck off won’t u

Yahaba: i am always willing to flex that i am older than you

Shirabu: BY BARELY A MONTH?

Yahaba: (~‾⌣‾)~

Oikawa: HAHA TSUMU CHAN U JUST GOT CAUGHT THAT'S WHAT U GET

Semi: what

Futakuchi: wot

Osamu: they're playin among us w strangers  
Osamu: tsumu just swore vry loudly so I'm assumin they caught him

Atsumu: THEY SAW ME KILL ON CAMS FML

Oikawa: tsk tsk tsumu chan u should know better

Kageyama: yeah why would u kill when there's a camera around

Atsumu: I forgot the cameras were a thing 

Shirabu: can't say I'm surprised

Akaashi: ^^ I don't think any of us can

Semi: why r u two always playing among us together but w strangers

Oikawa: it's easier to kill each other if you guys arent there to detective us out   
Oikawa: and we always kill each other first if we're the imposter

Atsumu: so if we were playin w u guys then y'all immediately catch on

Oikawa: tis no rocket science

Atsumu: some of the lobbies r rlly fuckin funny tho

Oikawa: omg yeah we were in one lobby where there was someone w like a pregnant kink or smth

Shirabu: the fuck

Semi: langwj

Shirabu: *excuse me the fuck? 

Futakuchi: what kind of people,,,? 

Kenma: can't say I'm surprised u two were the ones to meet them

Atsumu: orange kept askin what it'd be like have sex with someone pregnant

Oikawa: the dude was wack as heck  
Oikawa: he kept asking for info and then u flat out told him to go read ABO fics

Atsumu: lmfao that was hilarious

Kageyama: what's an abo fic

Suga: dw about it kageyama

Yahaba: sry pal ur too young 

Kageyama: （；へ：）

Osamu: it'd honestly be best for ya not to know

Akaashi: back to the dude w the pregnant kink tho  
Akaashi: wtf??? 

Atsumu: well he’s claiming he doesnt have a kink for pregnant women but. His questions mean otherwise. 

Yahaba: that sounds rlly fucking wack

Suga: yeah wait what is that logic

Oikawa: thats not as funny as the one purple guy whose name was animeboi tho

Futakuchi: whatd he do?

Oikawa: he kept calling emergency meetings to spam anime references  
Oikawa: that was absolutely lit

Atsumu: it was a blast we just kept skippin bc no one could get a word in 

Suga: did...no one kick him out?  
Oikawa: uh. Well. none of us wanted to

Osamu: bc yer weebs 

Atsumu: exactly  
Atsumu: BUT I ALSO JUST GOT EJECTED SO HAH HAVE A SABOTAGE

Oikawa: oml the dead chat is cursing u so hard rn

_2:47 AM_

Kenma: cats deserve rights

Kageyama: what

Yahaba: uh. ???

Shirabu: cats?

Kenma: cats should vote  
Kenma: if cats could vote then the world would be a better place

Yahaba: i honestly can’t argue with that

Akaashi: ignore him he’s been checking neko atsume for the past hour obsessively

Kenma: chairman meow knows whats up

Akaashi: he’s also been giving headcanons for the cats

Kageyama: i dont like tubbs much  
Kageyama: he always eats the food and then i have to refill the frisky bits all over again

Kenma: ^^ exactly. Tubbs does not deserve rights. He’s probably a pig in a cat costume. Terrible economy

Yahaba:... am i the only one genuinely confused 

Akaashi: admittedly im lost as well

Shirabu: they’re cats. In a game. What

Kenma: all cats except for tubbs deserve rights

Kageyama: #killtubbs2k20

Kenma: Kageyama i disliked u at first but anyone who supports the KIll Tubbs movement is a friend 

Kageyama: no hard feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: my younger brother's fave characters are Bokuto and Hoshiumi (and pretty much everyone in the monster gen but those two are his favorites by far) 
> 
> have a great day and thx for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> how much do you know about figs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahjkjlsdlssalds covidiots at my school went to a party last weekend and now school is closed for two weeks and i have to zoom yayay wow what fun.
> 
> (Newest episode is also exceptional, Yams gets to serve!! At the end of the episode!! m so happy!!)
> 
> please enjoy lol :))

_9:46 PM_

Futakuchi: does anyone want to take my survey

Yahaba: Absolutely

Akaashi: I'll probably regret it

Shirabu: there's nothing better to do rn

Kageyama: surgery for what  
Kageyama: But sure

Yahaba: WHAT

Futakuchi: LMAO  
Futakuchi: SURGERY

Akaashi: what

Kageyama: survey*  
Kageyama: oops

Shirabu: what is wrong with all of you

Yahaba: AHAHA

Semi: Futakuchi I'll take your surgery

Futakuchi: oh its just a random surgery for fun

Oikawa: Lit  
Oikawa: i’m down

Futakuchi: i need to finish making it tho give me  
Futakuchi: like 5 minutes

Kenma: i'll take it too  
Kenma: it better be interesting

Futakuchi: here's the surgery: [link](https://forms.gle/qS2k4JnWTFCYQSJW8) it's not really a survey  
Futakuchi: it's kinda a quiz

Yahaba: Alrightyy

Oikawa: very nice surgery i approve

Futakuchi: ty very much

Akaashi: i did it

Futakuchi: AKAASHI WERE U THE ONE WHO SAID GRASS

Akaashi: yes

Kenma: grass is vry tasty

Shirabu: wtf??

Oikawa: AHAHA

Futakuchi: extra points for creativity for sure  
Futakuchi:WHO ANSWERED THAT TAPEWORMS WERE GOOD  
Futakuchi: SOMEONE ANSWERED THAT TAPEWORMS WERE GOOD FOR PPL

Kenma: akaashi it was you wasn't it

Futakuchi: to the two ppl who said that do do doo song was the last thing you hear before you die, good job

Yahaba: mood

Oikawa: tis d e d

Kageyama: I finished

Yahaba: me too

Semi: ^^

Futakuchi: im very grateful to you three and shirabu for not asnwering that tapeworms were good for ppl

Yahaba: Yeah of course not

Semi: tapeworms are not good for you who said it was??

Shirabu: That's fucking gross?

Kenma: im like 100% sure akaashi clicked yes on that question

Oikawa: ngl i almost said yes just because

Futakuchi: honestly it would've been funny  
Futakuchi: u can submit mutlitple responses tho

Akaashi: yes tape worms are very good

Shirabu:...

Kageyama: uh

Futakuchi: if u wanna see what happens when u select yes

Kageyama: What...what happens

Oikawa: go for it

Futakuchi: nothing bad happens dw

Yahaba: ...sure

Futakuchi: anyone who said that we should ask HOW'S AUSTRALIA can get a cookie :DD

Oikawa: Ayeee  
Oikawa: Yoi gotta check up on them sometimes

Akaashi: ikr poor australia

Kenma: Don't be a non believer  
Kenma: Believe pigs can fly

Semi: ^^^^

Yahaba: Thank you

Kageyama: I’m playing among us instead of doing my project due at midnight lol

Kenma: We stan procrastination

_11:32 PM_

Oikawa: What happens if the spider that fell off the wall this morning ends up crawling onto my bed  
Oikawa: In the middle of the night  
Oikawa: When I'm sleeping

Akaashi: personally i would probably die of fright but idk about you

Futakuchi: I think I'd have the same reaction

Shirabu: Ngl same

Osamu: Spiders are terrifyin

Oikawa: yes i hate them they are so scary

Futakuchi: Scary scary spiders

Yahaba: And cockroaches  
Yahaba: Cockroaches are terrifying too

Akaashi: we hate cockroaches too of course they’re gross

Oikawa: all bugs are gross but they're going into my dead bug jar so it okay :))

Futakuchi: your w h a t 

Oikawa: :))

Yahaba: Do figs...have wasps in them? Do ppl eat figs with wasps in them? 

Shirabu: it's like fucking midnight wtf 

Semi: hold up people do what

Yahaba: idk I just read an article talkin about...the wasp content of a fig

Osamu: 'm so confused y

Yahaba: They mention how nutritional insects are

Akaashi: why

Futakuchi: This is awfully disturbing

Oikawa: do people eat the wasps on purpose??? i’m so confused rn

Futakuchi: yeah same ^^

Yahaba: FUCKING HELL FIGS ACTUALLY HAVE DEAD WASPS IN THEM EW EW EW  
Yahaba: I'VE EATEN DRIED FIG BEFORE DOES THAT MEAN I'VE EATEN DEAD WASP THIS IS NOT OKAY

Kageyama: I finished my project guys

Shirabu: fuck no i wasn’t planning on eating any gigs but now i definitely won’t

Kageyama: :D

Semi: Good job kageyama

Akaashi: And only half an hour before the deadline  
Akaashi: nice

Futakuchi: ooh nice

Yahaba: BUT FIGS HAVE DEAD WASPS IN THEM I'M SO GROSSED OUT  
Yahaba: APPARENTLY BC FIGS AREN'T ACTUALLY FRUIT THEY'R SOME KINDA INVERRTED FLOWER, FEMALE FIG WASPS HAVE TO CRAWL INSIDE TO LAY EGGS AND THEY DIE IN THERE

Semi: that’s so gross

Kageyama: wait so do the eggs end up in there a lot

Yahaba: I THINK??

Semi: are people usually eating wasp eggs when they eat figs that’s fricking nasty

Akaashi: i've eaten dried fig and i didn't know this am genuinely disgusted

Shirabu: Ughhhh this is nasty

Oikawa: i’m so glad i’ve never eaten a fig before rn

Yahaba: You've been spared the pain  
Yahaba: Now you know

Kenma: now we know, don't eat figs  
Kenma: Or else u might end up eating dead female wasps

Semi: i never will thank you figs have been ruined for me

Akaashi: Figs have been ruined for me too I actually thought grapes were okay wth

Yahaba: Ughhhhhh this is not fun facts

Kageyama: this is the opposite of a fun fact

Oikawa: This is an Awful Fact™

Futakuchi: yes indeéd

Yahaba: This is the kind of info I'd like to learn about in school bc then I wouldnt hAVE EATEN DEAD WASP

Kageyama: yeah this is the kind of important thing i want to know who needs algebra

Shirabu: Who needs algebra when there are thousands of ppl out there who don't know they're eating dead wasp when theyre eating figs

Semi: We should be warned as children about these things??

Akaashi: do they not use pesticides i’m confused about this still

Oikawa: i feel bad for all the people who have unknowingly eaten wasps and their eggs ew

Yahaba: There are pesticides but the problem is that figs need to be fertilized by female wasps in this way  
Yahaba: Like it's part of the natural cycle or smth

Futakuchi: bro why do people still eat figs then if there’s probably a wasp this is so weird

Yahaba: The farmers cannnn reduce the number of figs with wasps in them but to continue fig trees and stuff they still need wasps to fertilize them figs

Kenma: that’s interesting but also gross

Semi: I don't think many ppl know about it tbh  
Semi: Or maybe it is a common fact  
Semi: And ppl just don't care bc they like figs

Yahaba: i had never heard it before i feel like a lot of people would not want to eat wasps  
Yahaba: so they probably don’t know

Oikawa: I don't think it's a fact ppl are actively looking out for when they buy figs in the supermarket  
Oikawa: Pulls up phone: "oh let's see what dead creatures could possibly be in this fruit thing"

Kenma: yes what insect is in my food

Yahaba: okay fair i don’t generally google what kinds of insects i could be sting by accident  
Yahaba: *eating

Akaashi: Idk if I should be thankful to you for teaching me this fact or not bc on one hand at least now I know but on the other hand I could've lived my whole life without the knowledge that I mightve eaten dead wasp

Shirabu: i personally wish i did not know this

Kageyama: Have cute red panda to wipe ur mind of that horrid fact: [gif](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-NQWoJnuzA-Y/X4EuvFBouNI/AAAAAAAAYBM/cH3ZJye5PXI-JsouDJY8G-YDEhPNdvW8ACK8BGAsYHg/s0/2020-10-09.gif)

Yahaba: thank you much appreciated

Akaashi: ^^

Futakuchi: ty very much

Shirabu: im still disgusted but thanks anyway

Oikawa: ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ ᕦ( ᐛ )ᕡ ᐠ( ᐛ )ᐟ ٩( ᐛ )و

Atsumu: I mean I knew that ffact but I still ate fig

Yahaba: Yanno what atsumu I'll bet ur one of those ppl who say that bugs are nutritious

Osamu: ^^ he does think bugs're nutritious

Atsumu: s  
Atsumu: shut it 

Futakuchi so u guys remember my survey

Kageyama: don't u mean surgery

Futakuchi: yes my surgery

Yahaba: mhm yeah what about it

Futakuchi: for snacks kenma wrote "gluten free pescatarian" and im not sure if he means that he likes to gluten free pescatarian snacks or he likes to eat gluten free pescatarians

Futakuchi: and when i asked he said "you'll never know"

Semi: sounds kinda freaky ngl

Atsumu: cinnamon is spicy dirt

Shirabu: No

Atsumu: kiwis are hairy nuggets

Osamu: No what the fuck tsumu

Suga: I...what is going on?

Kageyama: Suga san did u know that figs have dead wasps in them

Suga: I've heard that but I don't know if it is true

Oikawa: it's actually true  
Oikawa: like i didnt believe it either at first

Yahaba: but then  
Yahaba: speculation became fact

Osamu: [is it true there are dead wasps in figs?](https://www.sciencefocus.com/nature/is-it-true-there-are-dead-wasps-in-figs/)  
Osamu: They'r outta the fig before we eat em, or if the figs are female they'r already long dissolved

Futakuchi: YEAH BUT WE'RE STILL EATING WASP REMAINS  
Futakuchi: like yes it's dissolved but

Osamu: but they'r dissolved and n't wasp anymore

Akaashi: ^^ okay that makes things a lot better

Oikawa: but still. wasp remains

Semi: to be fair once something dissolves it is no longer what it was

Yahaba: wasp dust  
Yahaba: it's wasp dust

Atsumu: people eat grasshoppers yer overreacting lol

Oikawa: WHY DO PP EAT THAT  
Oikawa: PPL*

Atsumu: they don't taste that bad if ya only have one at a time and they have good nutritional value

Kageyama: well i have eaten a scorpion in lollipop before  
Kageyama: but that was in 2nd grade  
Kageyama: and it was cronchy

Shirabu: Don't scorpions have poison

Suga: ^^ yeah that's what i thought?

Atsumu: yanno grassshoppers are cronchy too

Kageyama: not the ones we ate i guess  
Kageyama: idk the teacher gave them to us  
Kageyama: i dont actually remember if i ate the scorpion or not  
Kageyama: bc i like to crunch on lollipops too  
Kageyama: so the cronch mightve been the candy not the creature

Oikawa: why?

Suga: kageyama why do crunch on lollipops

Kageyama: uh idk

Yahaba: who bites lolipops

Atsumu: yea wait y would ya do that

Futakuchi: Kageyama i agree it's fun  
Futakuchi: to cronch on a lollipop

Akaashi: the flavor goes away faster and it can be painful

Kageyama: well i like it so

Oikawa: c r o n c h

Yahaba: when I was younger I did that and had a shard of lollipop lodged in my throat

Semi: yikes that sounds painful

Kageyama: can't say that's happened to me before but oof

Yahaba: I was at a school play and I went to the bathroom and chugged water, then it eventually went down

Suga: i-okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeEt the survey quiz was fun to make lmao it was originally very weirdly organized but i've fixed it since then (i think) so take it if you wanna,,,
> 
> thx for reading!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> feet, megamind, and jesus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> k so this chapter is cursed. (and if any of you are religious I am very sorry this is so cursed. blame my recommendations from google and my friends)
> 
> please enjoy :))

_10:58 PM_

Yahaba: akaashi and shirabu u bitches

Shirabu: lmfao that was great

Semi: i fr thought it was you yahaba sry

Yahaba: u two suck i hate u both

Osamu: lmao were ya playin among us

Akaashi: yeah it was fun

Yahaba: Akaashi and Shirabu fucking double teamed me but we turned off confirm eject so no one could tell IT WASN'T ME

Shirabu: that's what you get

Akaashi: among us does that to ppl idk what to tell u

Kenma: i absolutely despise kageyama rn

Kageyama: i thought i saw you vent,,, :((

Kenma: You have 20 minutes to vacate the premises

Kageyama: Do I get any donuts or  
Kageyama: ?

Kenma: Yes you can have donuts

Yahaba: Akaashi and shirabu i'm evicting u guys too

Akaashi: can i have a promotion before being evicted

Yahaba: Sure you're now the vice president of the company  
Yahaba: But you're also fired immediately  
Yahaba: So..

Akaashi: it's okay i can do both

Yahaba: Okay good

Shirabu: Yeet

_2:19 AM_

Atsumu: feet are so weird  
Atsumu: how do ppl have feet fetishes

Kenma: idk

Oikawa: tbh feet give me the heebie jeebies

Shirabu: what the fuck

Osamu: why're ya thinkin bout fuckin feet at 2 in the morning

Atsumu: like...feet  
Atsumu: why feet

Oikawa: f e e   
Oikawa: t

Akaashi: feet are just weird in general

Kenma: ikr

Atsumu: like ariel stop wigglin yer toes why

Futakuchi: are you watching the little mermaid or smth?

Atsumu: yea

Osamu: so that's what the light from yer room is

Atsumu: ariel is best disney princess y'all fight me

Oikawa: i'll fight you i like cinderella the best

Futakuchi: nah belle's better

Akaashi: k but mulan

Osamu: ^^ can't argue w that 

Kenma: ngl the chameleon in tangled was the best

Oikawa: anyways I disagree with the concept of feet  
Oikawa: We should just have more hands it's not that hard

Atsumu: exactly

Futakuchi: Infinitely more useful

Akaashi: hands are so much more practical

Atsumu: Exactly

Oikawa: like hands can walk too  
Oikawa: just evolve so that feet become hands

Akaashi: I think that monkeys are the highest form of physical evolution

Atsumu: yes

Kenma: akaashi what

Oikawa: Feet hands! feet hands!

Futakuchi: f e e t h a n d s

_5:23 AM_

Oikawa: so i started playing osu  
Oikawa: and now i can't stop  
Oikawa: plz save me

Yahaba: Oh no

Suga: It’s too late

Akaashi: I remember Kenma's osu phase  
Akaashi: that was a trip

Kenma: ez

Kageyama: Oikawa san y r u playing osu at,,,5 in the morning

Oikawa: why CANT i tobio chan???

Kagayama:,,,  
Kageyama: isn't it a weekday-

Oikawa: osu waits for no one i need to get a B on _SOMETHING, ANYTHING_

Kenma: lmao noob

Oikawa: SHUT IT I JUST STARTED

Shirabu: yeah ur a noob

Oikawa: aslkhjldfha;j LET ME GET TO B ON SMTHHHH

Kageyama: try the taiko

Yahaba: ^^ those were easiest for me when i started

Kageyama: yeah taiko is just z,x,c,v keys and the easy songs are slow

Kenma: or the fruit catching tbh  
Kenma: it's just arrow keys

Suga: Oikawa...did u only get 3 hours of sleep between 2 and 5?

Oikawa: o no i slept at like 8 lol  
Oikawa: i woke up at 2 and now im here 

Kenma: weak

Shirabu: ^^

_4:20 PM_

Oikawa: happy 4 20 y'all

Futakuchi: ty for that

Suga: thank you??

Shirabu: hi so megamind is fucking terrifying

Futakuchi: Megamind is the highest form of visual art to date

Shirabu: it's terrifying  
Shirabu: t e r r i f y i n g

Semi: gotta agree w him on that one megamind is freaky

Futakuchi: Artttt

Semi: it can be art and terrifying

Oikawa: lmao ur not wrong 

Shirabu: their f o r e h e a d s  
Shirabu: terrifying

Suga: Lmao what

Semi: their foreheads scare me so hard  
Semi: otherwise i liked megamind

Suga: Maybe the real megamind was the friends we made along the way

Shirabu: i-  
Shirabu: no

Yahaba: yeah wait what

Suga: Idk i think I'm right on this one chief

Shirabu: n o

Futakuchi: You're resisting progress my dude

Atsumu: It’s borderline perfection y'all 

Futakuchi: THANK YOU

Suga: See he gets it  
Suga: Megamind supremacy

Atsumu: Hell yeah

Osamu: i hated that movie

Shirabu: ^^^^^^^^^^^

Akaashi: It can be perfection and also terrifying

Kageyama: The blue man intimidates me (;-_-)ノ

Oikawa: Good

Akaashi: I appreciate the movie the way a hostage appreciates being kept alive

Oikawa: WAIT LMAO WHAT 

Kenma: That's the most fucking powerful thing u've ever said

Akaashi: what an achievement

Futakuchi: Holy shit what did megamind do to you

Semi: Oml what a statement

Oikawa: RIGHT??  
Oikawa: IDK WHAT IT MEANS BUT ITS GOT A VIBE

Semi: what was going on in ur head when u said that???

Akaashi: to be very honest idk but  
Akaashi: Megamind was a fucking trip for 11 year old me

Futakuchi: I have a confession to make  
Futakuchi: I've never seen megamind

Kenma: yeah neither have i

Suga: ^^ hehe same 

Atsumu:...

Oikawa: WHAT

Atsumu: Y'ALL WHAT

Shirabu: W H A T

Futakuchi: IM SORRY  
Futakuchi: ITS TRUE

Suga: I never,,,got the chance?

Kenma: the movie looked weird so i just didn't 

Oikawa: YOU ALL NEED TO WATCH IT. BRING UR CRUSHES OR SMTH IDK BUT YOU ABSOLUTELY NEED TO  
Oikawa: IS IT ON NETFLIX

Futakuchi: lol i'll check  
Futakuchi: Its not

Osamu: Rippp

Atsumu: Awww :(((

Oikawa: we all need to watch it  
Oikawa: One day  
Oikawa: It'll happen  
Oikawa: I swear it

Suga: Absolutely

Kenma: not

Semi: ^^^

Osamu: ^^^^^

Shirabu: ^^^^^^

Akaashi: The foreheads will scare you too

Futakuchi: They will not

Atsumu: lmao they'll creep ya out a lil

Osamu: i know he's an alien an' all but his forehead was horrifyin

Akaashi: Megamind is hot but his foreheads terrifies me

Kenma: what

Akaashi: i said nothing

Oikawa: Idk if I’d call him hot  
Oikawa: but yeah his forehead is large lmao

Akaashi: He's kinda hot  
Akaashi: I like his eyes  
Akaashi: They're vry pretty

Kenma: ...what the actual fuck keiji-

Futakuchi: That's,  
Futakuchi: Wow

Oikawa: I'm gonna read Jesus x reader fanfic 

Suga: There we go  
Suga: Religious and wholesome

Yahaba: Jesus is best boi ™

Atsumu: get that WAP  
Atsumu: Worship and Prayer

Oikawa: Mhm mhm

Akaashi: No  
Akaashi: You can’t make me 

Oikawa: NEVER MIND I CAN'T READ THOS

Yahaba: LMAO

Oikawa: Jesus just said "suck my pee pee" I can't

Kenma: C'mon akaashi, give it everything you got for that Worship and Prayer

Futakuchi: AHAHAH

Oikawa: I draw the line at sucking peepee

Atsumu: wdym that's the best part

Suga: idk what ur on, that's where interested  
Suga: I'm* ;))

Oikawa: JESUS CALLED THE PEEPEE SUCKING WEAK  
Oikawa: I-

Yahaba: LMAO  
Yahaba: I'M GONNA TELL IWAIZUMI SAN HOLD ON

Oikawa: WAIT YAHABA NO-

Atsumu: yer too late he's gone

Oikawa: READER IS TRYING THEIR BEST HERE

Yahaba: YOU HAVE DISAPPOINTED JESUSS

Oikawa: AH YES JESUS THEN DISAPPEARS IN A FLASH OF LIGHT AFTER A BLOW W O W

Suga: LMAO

Osamu: This is a fuckin trip 

Akaashi: yeah that sums it up

Oikawa: "My dumbass parents think I'm helping out at the church but I'm doing THE WEED"

Atsumu: Ah yes THE WEED

Semi: Not the weed :O

Oikawa: [screenshot 1](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-lU3z3qjFjW8/X4urHTL4dZI/AAAAAAAAYNY/OcDjNVN12pMhfMWMrjKhKjTfOo8VliShQCK8BGAsYHg/s0/2020-10-17.jpg)  
Oikawa: Just read that middle part

Suga: oh yikes

Yahaba: lmfao wowwwwww

Kenma: Whoopsies

Oikawa: [screenshot 2](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-ZpkQFdCwdiM/X4urR9dugKI/AAAAAAAAYNg/bj7HHcuLbtYRf-3wB5cwWBFDnOtHRrrEwCK8BGAsYHg/s0/2020-10-17.jpg)  
Oikawa: This is a fucking fever dream

Yahaba: LMAO

Atsumu: HAH

Akaashi: This is quality

Osamu: I think what makes these good is that ya can tell it's very well written

Kenma: strong quality 

Futakuchi: Lots of memes

Suga: V high quality

Oikawa: "I think of his holy peepee being shoved up my poopyhole" Im glad the author made this very gender neutral

Akaashi: Oh absolutely that's 100% what u should be paying attention to

Yahaba: Very considerate of the author

Oikawa: Ok now I'm gonna read a Jesus x shrek  
Oikawa: Plz pray for me

Atsumu: Finally some good fuckin food

Oikawa: [screenshot 3](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/--bCB6xnWAnM/X4usbV40rpI/AAAAAAAAYN0/HYbJjrtT4r4z-pz24sysRWoLk3sLC40AgCK8BGAsYHg/s0/2020-10-17.jpg)

Yahaba: EW WHAT

Oikawa: OML THE TRAIN IS HITTING ON SHREK TOO  
Oikawa: THE TRAIN IS THOMAS

Futakuchi: W H AT

Kenma: ew whats up w the ear licking

Kageyama: uh.

Suga: Hi kageyama don't read tis plz

Atsumu: LUCIOUS CRUSTY DUSTY SANDALS ER SUCH A SPECIFIC TYPE AHAHAHA

Oikawa: Yoho tobio chan!!

Kageyama: I won’t read it don’t worry Suga san

Akaashi: yeah don't worry about this at all

Osamu: nothin goin on here 

Yahaba: ^^^ nope nothing :DD

Atsumu: keep yer eyes wholesome tobio kun

Kageyama: yeah i'm trying,,,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you're interested in reading the aforementioned fanfictions the links are [here](https://www.wattpad.com/story/188489885-jesus-x-reader-fic-nsfw) and [here](https://www.wattpad.com/story/94660230-jesus-x-reader) and, last and hopefully least, [h e r e](https://www.wattpad.com/story/67764847-shrek-x-jesus). To clarify, the first two links should be to the jesus x reader and the last one to the jesus x shrek. i would say thx for reading but if you've made it this far honestly you're a trooper good job have a cookie: (::) (ALSO TO ALL THE PPL WHO ANSWERED MY GOOGLE FORM. THANK YOU. SO MUCH. SOME OF THE RESPONSES WERE HILARIOUS I LOVED THEM AND EVERYONE WHO ANSWERED NORMALLY TY TOO. shoutout to the three people who said bokuto and/or bokuto's cake and the one person who said docosahexaenoic acid and one person who said Oikawa's non-existent cake and there was one person who said God's testicles and I-I have no words.)

**Author's Note:**

> ...yikes this is the first thing I've ever posted on ao3. Hope y'all enjoyed ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ ٩( ᐛ )و ᕦ( ᐛ )ᕡ


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